October 30, 2011
Recently I was having a chat with an old friend… Let’s just say we go back like cornbread and collard greens .. and she was recounting an event she witnessed that I didn’t even remember from about two years ago. She told me that one day we were with another friend who told us that she had done something and I was very judgey towards the friend to a point where I made her uncomfortable … She told me that I recently said something that bothered her and even though she knew I meant no harm, she took offense..
Now, let me preface this that I do struggle with being insensitive sometimes. I’m not mean, but I speak without thinking. Which if you read about Geminis it’s a very common trait. Anyway, I know that I can be that way, and I always hope I haven’t offended someone, and often I might ask them if I have. Lately I do try to be careful in what I say. But it just made me think of perception. But what do you do if its someone you know very well? They know deep down you’re a nice person, a good person, but yet something you say has offended them..
I know that I take people as they are, even if what they do is different than what I would do. I also know that I’m in world where I have evolving views on many issues and often times I enjoy debate for the sake of debate. I also know that people do not know these things about me. How do I manage? How do any of us manage? Even though lately I’ve evolved into someone who is comfortable in who I am, I don’t want who I am to offend who you are…
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Did you know that you inherently speak three different languages? Yes, its true. Or at least I do. My head speaks English. And it understands cause and affect among other rational thoughts. My heart speaks spanish. It’s confusing. If you don’t use it, you kinda forget it. It has all these verbs that need conjugating. And my vagina speaks English. But not traditional English like my head. It’s more of how Audrey II , the plant from Little Shop of Horrors speaks English. Without really knowing consequences or about feelings. Got it? Ok Good…
Why am I talking about this? Honestly? I have no idea, the thought just came to me. But I think its valid given my current situation. I feel like when I’m impatient (or really horny) I have 3 different people speaking to me. My head is of course the rational one, at times. My head reinforces the idea of not settling and being cautious. It wants to rationalize all my actions and determine how they fit in the bigger picture.
The heart speaks spanish, the language of love. Which of course is perfect. The language that if you don’t use it, you lose it. Practice makes perfect and my heart has a desire to practice. Starting from within. But lately, it’s been craving someone else to speak the language to. My heart is saying who cares about the bigger picture, indulge me. I need to practice counting to 100. Or at least 50. Mi cabeza no tiene que.
Be patient young heart. Run free (Candi Staton reference)
And my vagina. Oh my impatient vag. It’s safe to say that I’m super horny, and my horniness has no use for courting, dating, love and patience. It wants to get laid and it wants to get laid now. What does love have to do with the orgasm or the act of sex? It shouts FEED ME just like Audrey II! She screams a little louder after a few sips of wine, hoping that the head and heart have dropped their guard. No matter what anyone tells you, there isn’t enough masturbation to replace the real thing.
But really, what is sex without emotions. I’m a firm believer that women cannot really separate sex from emotions. As much as I’m hopeful about finding love, if I’m really honest with myself (and you) I’m really scared of being vulnerable. It’s hard to open up, truly open up to the idea of having someone emotionally involved again.. While the idea of being in love and giddy is appealing, I have no idea how to get there. Like does the princess really have to kiss frogs before finding her prince? WHY? Where is the Love and LIfe for Dummies book when you need it?
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October 5, 2011
I got a new tattoo .. Lux et Veritas, which is Latin for light and truth.
It’s crazy how I discovered this quote. I happened to be reading John Thellin’s book, A History of Higher Education and as I was reading about Colonial co lleges and their development he briefly mentioned that the motto for Harvard was Lux et Veritas. Lux et Veritas stood out to me so much. I jotted it down and put a sticky on my desk. I let it marinate for a few days. I was also watching Charmed one day (who doesn’t know that I LOVE Charmed? ) and Leo gave this speech to Piper (his wife) that in her he saw everything that was good and beautiful in the world and that was why when he had the opportunity he made her the Earth Goddess.
So, as I kept looking at this quote, I kept wondering what it meant to me. I mean, it did stick out to me so much. Well, I’d been wanting to get a new tattoo for a few months now, so the opportunity presented itself on Friday. I decided to go with this quote I’d become obsessed about. Lux et Veritas. I got it on my left shoulder, written in mirror image. As the idea formulated I knew what it meant to get it. In the mirror, I hope to always reflect the truth of the world and I hope to always reflect that light. Light and Truth. Mirrors will never lie to us. Reflect what you want to see within.
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