Battle of the Bulge

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I feel like every year, like hoards of other people I’m making a resolution to lose weight … Then I fail, and six months later I’m making another vow to lose weight. It’s depressing frankly.  So, this year I’ve decided to take a new route.  I’ve stolen the Alcholics Anonymous mantra of  ‘One day at a time’. (No, I do not say a serenity prayer before or after meals!!!).

I am the queen of slipping up and saying “I’ll make it up tomorrow by _______” and that starts a downward spiral of bad eating and workout habits. I also cannot get complacent with hearing “Oh you look slimmer now…” I have to be commited to the goals I have. I thought of using the ‘One day at a time” mantra because when you think that tomorrow is promised you tend to not take things serious! I need to be serious about this. I’ve been on a perpetual diet since I was 16!!!! I’ve felt bad about my size, my clothes, my body, everytyhing for too long. If I can commit to all these other goals, why is this one so hard to reach? I just want to feel a certain pride about myself, because it is OK to be vain and take pride in your physical appearance. I’m proud about my mind, my spirit, my humor but if I’m honest I am not proud of my body. There I’ve said the thing that most girls fear saying or are too ashamed to say. I rebuke you fear and I’m willing to admit I want to change it. but I also admit its hard and I don’t have or know the proper tools. (Shuttup you people who just say eat less, excercise more… while true, its NOT EASY!!!).

I have to also stop being overly harsh on myself. My weight doesn’t prevent me from doing things (except wearing a two piece) and stop being so quickly to laugh it off or make a joke out of it. I sometimes have a defeatist attitude when it comes to the scale, but yet I’m completely obsessed with it. And honestly, I’m more concerned about jean size than what the scale says. So I pray that I can just get into a size 8 jeans in a year. Size 8. That’s all I ask and want to work for. And a little booty.

Now make that mutherfucker HAMMERTIME!

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