Affection vs attention

Today I can’t help but think on the difference between affection and attention. Which one is more important? I immediately thought back to a time a few years ago. It was within the first year of me graduating college and I lived in my first apartment. Me and the infamous EX were on one of our “off” periods that had lasted at least 8 months to a year. While we weren’t technically Ina relationship we still engaged I relations and spent a huge chunk of time together masquerading behind the premise of friendship. During this time “apart from him” I met a guy who I still refer to as “south jersey,” and he was a complete 180 from what I knew. He was older by approximately 8 years, smart, interesting, and open about his emotions and his flaws. We didn’t get to see each other because he lived in the foreign country known as southern new jersey but whenever we saw each other I felt smart, sexy, and confident. Those feelings lasted for days after. It took me awhile to open up to him but he earned a special place in my heart. Eventually I began to have feelings for both SJ and EX.. And even though everything in my mind told me don’t go with EX, I always went back to him because of attention, even though often there was an absence of affection. I remember roomie saying to me that I valued attention more than anything else at that time.. And even though I knew it wasn’t smart, I began diverting my attention and feelings into where I was getting it from most. How many times do women fall for the wrong types because he gave her the attention she feels she deserves?

I started thinking about this as I am on the brink of meeting someone who probably can’t give me the attention I “want” but the affection isn’t missing? Am I making any sense? In the logical side of my brain, I know that constant attention is a spoil enhanced by increased access to technology and definitely not realistic. My last relationship was so full of attention. Because it grew out of HS, a place where you saw your love daily, the when we separated during college years texting and aim kept us constantly in contact when we couldn’t see each other. It seemed normal that you’re supposed to talk to your love all day every day.. What world was this?! What I did learn was constant “attention” doesn’t delay or prevent infidelity. Even though I was constantly In touch with him, he still found time to pursue others. So was the attention really worth it? Did it define how he felt about me?

Reeling myself in .. I’m struggling now with how much attention do I think I need versus how much affection I crave. Am I ready for quality over quantity? And even though I have the same, if not more access to technological ways to stay in touch, do they really matter? Do I have the time a day to be pinned to my phone exchanging random text messages or enjoying. My days to later talk about in bed while cuddling? I started thinking “what would Carrie do?” in SATC they don’t seem to be preoccupied with talking to their beaus all day, they are too busy being good friends, career minded individuals. Even Char, who became a housewife, didn’t seem to spend her days worried about talking constantly to her husband. Is this a lesson that gets reinforced with age?

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