It’s not that I don’t want to believe in you, its just that I don’t know how to believe in you. Outside of fairy tales and movies you haven’t been present in my life. The times I thought I found you, you were blocked by insecurity, infidelity, and insanity. Yes, insanity because I went crazy trying to hold on to what I thought was you. In that crazed time, I missed it when you quietly walked out the door and left me because I wasn’t ready.
I want us to have a fresh start. I want to get rid of the damage in the past. I want to have trust in you and faith that when I find you, the REAL you, I won’t mistake you for lust or any of the other emotions masquerading in your name. I won’t let pride stop me from taking steps closer to you. I want to believe in your power. Love is my power. I shall not give you to those who don’t deserve you. I shall realize that I DO deserve you. I promise to love fearlessly.
I woke up today and ran some errands and when I came home I said the first lines of this letter aloud. I didn’t know where they came from. At first I thought I was thinking of a song or movie, but I stood there for a minute and realized that was from ME. I was thinking aloud to love. It was sort of like talking to God. So I laid across my bed and typed on BlackBerry and this came out. My letter to love. My truth