February 9, 2012
Everyone’s favorite made-up consumer holiday is steadfastly approaching and I am trying to avoid all the sad eyes and “woe is me” eyes that people keep giving me. Honestly, I think other people are more concerned for my lack of Valentine than I am. . . I don’t remember if I was sad last year about not having a valentine, but I know this year I am NOT. And here is why I think it doesn’t matter…
Not to sound sound cocky, but I’m finally at a point where I realize I am single because I choose to be. Sure, I could be with someone right now, but I know deep down that they aren’t the match for me. I COULD be getting laid regularly, but I know that I want more than that. This is the first time I sat down and thought about what I want from a mate. I wrote it down in my trusting and non-tempermental BlackBerry *bbm eye roll* Care to know what’s on my list?
This is verbatim, I did add or delete anything, but I might refine it later ::
- Full Disclosure
- Someone I communicate with daily, not just texts and gchats. phone convos. Hell skype.
- Honesty
- Exclusivity
- Emotional Support
- Dating not just for dating – want someone who wants what I want, which is something long term. If it leads to the American Dream, awesome. But it has to feel natural and not forced.
- Dates. Even if we decide on titles, we still go out on dates.
- Once we have sex – lots of it!
I chuckled at myself for the last line. I don’t think I’m asking alot on my list. Note that I don’t have any physical demands. I don’t need him to be tall, dark and handsome – although it would for sure be a bonus. But I’m more into the character of a man than his outward appearance. Some of these things go hand in hand, isn’t honesty full disclosure? THAT my friends is maturity and why I’m not upset about Valentine’s day .. I also told my good friend that I am finally starting to see and appreciate my own value. And realized that I don’t have to look for things. Attract don’t chase. (Why did I have an urge to type YOLO???)
OH I googled my posts for Valentine’s Day and my last one was in 2010 (my first non-date Valentine’s Day since like HS ) and I wasn’t sad then….
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, eternal reflections | Tags: funny, heart, holiday, random, valentine | No Comments »
October 30, 2011
Did you know that you inherently speak three different languages? Yes, its true. Or at least I do. My head speaks English. And it understands cause and affect among other rational thoughts. My heart speaks spanish. It’s confusing. If you don’t use it, you kinda forget it. It has all these verbs that need conjugating. And my vagina speaks English. But not traditional English like my head. It’s more of how Audrey II , the plant from Little Shop of Horrors speaks English. Without really knowing consequences or about feelings. Got it? Ok Good…
Why am I talking about this? Honestly? I have no idea, the thought just came to me. But I think its valid given my current situation. I feel like when I’m impatient (or really horny) I have 3 different people speaking to me. My head is of course the rational one, at times. My head reinforces the idea of not settling and being cautious. It wants to rationalize all my actions and determine how they fit in the bigger picture.
The heart speaks spanish, the language of love. Which of course is perfect. The language that if you don’t use it, you lose it. Practice makes perfect and my heart has a desire to practice. Starting from within. But lately, it’s been craving someone else to speak the language to. My heart is saying who cares about the bigger picture, indulge me. I need to practice counting to 100. Or at least 50. Mi cabeza no tiene que.
Be patient young heart. Run free (Candi Staton reference)
And my vagina. Oh my impatient vag. It’s safe to say that I’m super horny, and my horniness has no use for courting, dating, love and patience. It wants to get laid and it wants to get laid now. What does love have to do with the orgasm or the act of sex? It shouts FEED ME just like Audrey II! She screams a little louder after a few sips of wine, hoping that the head and heart have dropped their guard. No matter what anyone tells you, there isn’t enough masturbation to replace the real thing.
But really, what is sex without emotions. I’m a firm believer that women cannot really separate sex from emotions. As much as I’m hopeful about finding love, if I’m really honest with myself (and you) I’m really scared of being vulnerable. It’s hard to open up, truly open up to the idea of having someone emotionally involved again.. While the idea of being in love and giddy is appealing, I have no idea how to get there. Like does the princess really have to kiss frogs before finding her prince? WHY? Where is the Love and LIfe for Dummies book when you need it?
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, eternal reflections | Tags: love, pop culture, relationships, sex | No Comments »
February 23, 2011
I’ve come to the realization that I don’t spend nearly as much time these days on the internet at home, which means less posts. And honestly, that makes ME very sad. So I reinstalled the WordPress for Blackberry app, even though I thought it sucked because it slowed BB down immensely. But I have to blog. I need to blog! So here’s my latest rambling ..
–
Lately I’ve been thinking about the concept of being good in bed.. Am I the only one who thinks of things like this? What does it mean to be good in bed-for a woman? Asking different guys can get you a multitude of different answers and every issue of Cosmopolitan magazine has a trick that contradicts what they taught you to do last month. It’s not like our moms sit us down and tell us how to blow a mans mind.
In reality all the tricks and tips we have learned are courtesy of lovers past and truth be told what Jimmy likes Bobby may hate, so what the hell is a girl to do?!?
But how do you KNOW you’ve just given some guy the greatest experience of his (life) week…is it because he comes back to do it again? Noo.. Because guys sometimes do it because its convenient, they are masters of lazy and will do things because they can. Is it because he told you? Hhmm.. In the words of my dude Jay-Z “Men lie. Women lie.” And how many times have we had a less than stellar lover and didn’t tell him but we still did it (him) again?
So, I asked a guy friend and a girl friend this question simultaneously. He said, “enthusiasm, willingness to please, open minded, and good old fashioned good vag (a whole different blog entry)”
And she said ” enthusiasm and technique”
So we have a recurring them here: enthusiasm .. I can say I’ve heard that before so its no shock. Its always pleasing to know the person actually wants to be there. I wonder if this is why some people can become bored with monogamy, the enthusiasm dies and sex just becomes “oh great, another night with this —” because the other will be “oh god, we gotta have sex tonight” you gotta keep it spicy in a relationship.. Not even in the trying new things, but just showing you actually want it (the sex). I also think that too many women equate size with greatness. UM. NO .. That is all for now.
Signing off, dr. Cleo, inquisitor of bedroom-ology.
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | | 2 Comments »
July 21, 2010
One day I awake to a text instructing me to look up Pegging. Now, being the curious journalist that I am, of course this is the first thing I did when I finally climbed out of bed. Google had many different links and after finding a forum and reading the handy urban dictionary I texted back:
” so.. Um.. Let me get this right, pegging is a woman doing a man with a strap on. ”
O_o.
I was completely not expecting that. And I wanted to tread lightly because this text came from someone I like. I didn’t want to offend him if this was something he was into (which he is NOT! *whew*). I guess we learn something new everyday, and the world of sex is constantly changing as people become more sex obsessed at younger ages. Maybe I’m boring because I’m not into group sex and other variations of sex that exist these days… When I hear of things like this so many questions come to my mind
For instance:
1. How do you introduce this into a completely hetero sexual relationship?
2. How does a man determine he potentially might like this? Or does a woman happen to think, ‘hhmm.. I wanna ass rape my husband. I wonder how he might like it..’
3. Does this mean that the guy might potentially have homosexual tendencies? And how does this go with what people say about men actually liking a little anal stimulation?
seee.. I could just go on and on and I’m not joking…I’m really trying to get a feel for how this comes to fruition.
On the forum I discovered there was a girl interested in trying it on her present lover. I immediately got a flashback to the episode of Sex in the City where Charlotte proclaims ” I don’t want to be Mrs. UptheButt.. No one marries the up the butt girl” ..
Now forever this man is going to be Mr. UptheButt ..
Hhmmm..
I didn’t post a pic because they were too explicit and I, of course, am very PG. I am here to inform, not corrupt the babies. Gotta love the babies!
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, Cleo's Rants | Tags: entertainment, learning, random, relationships, sex | 2 Comments »
April 13, 2010
i.) Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are all neighbors. . . And Cupid is the devil!!!
Good morrow to you good folks of cyber-space. The Man in the Moon is back with some food for thought. Did you bring the juice? You cheap b&st&rd. Go make some Kool-Aid. Red.
While going through my daily internet probing (blogs, emails, FB, etc.), I came across this article on Yahoo! News (link).
Summary: Wisconson “D.A. Scott Southworth last month sent a letter to area school districts warning that health teachers who tell students how to put on a condom or take birth-control pills could face criminal charges. The warning has left many teachers, school administrators and parents flabbergasted.”
I love that word – Flabbergasted. It’s like the ideal word for befuddled.
Does anyone else see the fundamental flaws with keeping the sex out of sex-education? (other than the obvious)
Absinance only sex-ed means the children will never learn about sex. And how do you expect little Jimmy to carry on the family legacy? Unless you know a stork that I’ve never met. . . .
What I’ve learned about the education system in this country is that K-12 is a general education in which you learn most of the things you will need to be an asset and not a burden to society. They include math, a basic understanding of science, and how to talk good and read some things good, too. So if this stage of education is responsible for the fundamentals, isn’t sex one of these things? Shouldn’t pre-collegiate education include the basic explanation of reproduction?
I mean when the hell else are they supposed to learn about sex? Not in college. . . well, not sober in college anyway . . . .
Oh yeah, from television and Skin-e-max. Wait, you don’t want them to watch that?
What about Twilight books? No? Fair enough.
So when are you going to have the conversation with them? You’re going to avoid it as long as possible? Now that’s responsible parenting. . . .
“Dear parents, you can’t shield your children from reality forever. At some point they’ll have to meet me and the longer you wait to introduce them to me, the worse off they will be. Truly yours, Reality”
Children can handle information if you give it to them and trust that they will ask you questions if they are uncertain. And know that if you don’t teach them, someone else will. Not someone responsible like a teacher, but their friends older sibling who knows as much as your kid, but is an icon in their pre-pubescent eyes. Or even worse, their “internet friend”, you know, the one that they are going to meet up with behind your back because they have so much in common. . . . .
And for my main point, weren’t these politicians children at some point? How did they learn about these things? Maybe not from school, but the curiosity would not have been nearly as strong as it is today. Sex is EVERYWHERE. Have you watched a Disney movie lately? You can’t shield your children from these things without locking them in a blank room with no input other than your voice and a few episodes of WonderPets on carefully filtered DVD’s.
They think old. They seem not to realize that society has changed drastically from just 20 years ago (1990, yeah, don’t you feel old. . . ). Information is at your fingertips through every medium. I mean, I knew McNabb got traded before Jason Campbell. They’re going to learn about these things eventually and the more taboo a subject is, the more they’re going to want to do it.
Destroy the mystery of sex for kids, have the conversation, and watch how much more responsible they’ll be.
So CleoSunshine readers, what do you think? Let your love come down. . . .
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, Cleo's Rants | Tags: politics, rants, sex, The Man in the Moon | 4 Comments »
February 23, 2010
Sexual Anorexia? Sexerexia? This is a new medical condition apparently that can be defined “an obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one’s life. Hmmm… Really? Thats odd, because the people who aren’t having sex usually want to have sex and the people having sex (or at least the ones I know) want MORE sex! But you have some people who are withholding it willingly? Hmmm..
I always thought using sex to control a relationship never worked? In the article it says that “Like self-starvation with food or compulsive dieting or hoarding with money, deprivation with sex can make one feel powerful and defended against all hurts.” Hmmm… In my mind, lack of sex makes one cranky and a downright bitch (this term does apply for men as well). Could that be all those control issues coming out? Having sex is like a way to cope with stress and problems. It’s like while your in the middle of some good sex nothing else exists, but you and the person and the moment. So, can you imagine using NO sex as a way to cope with stress and life difficulties? Um, NO. Sex is therapy. Yes, Robin Thicke had it right. Give me sex therapy!
How does one go about treating sexual anorexia? Do you suddently decide you’ve had enough of the drought and just go and bang the next person you see? How do you formulate healthy relationships without sex? I’m sorry, but you can’t have a serious adult relationship without sex at some point. You just can’t. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it.
Source
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: curiousity, entertainment, learning, medical, relationships | 1 Comment »
January 13, 2010
This is on some super Lars and the Real Girl ish!
Meet Roxxxy, she’s more than just a blow up doll, she is a “robot girlfriend” *side eye*
Have you seen Lars & the Real Girl, starring Ryan Gosling? I suggest you go watch that movie, then come back and read about Roxxxy- a sex robot that will carry on simple conversations with you. And you can choice from different personalities like Frigid & Wild Wendy. WOW! I”m sorry, please just kill me if I get that desperate.
OH, and you will definitely pay for this experience: $7,000-9,000 <<WWAHHHAATTTT!!
Why? Just why??
Source & Image via LAWitchesbrew
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: blasphemy, entertainment, random, sex | 1 Comment »
November 25, 2009
I’m currently in transit, so sorry if the Why Wednesday is light. Enjoy! Happy 4 – Day Weekend!!
Dude! WTF! This reminds me of the episode of Sex in the City where the guy wanted to paint Charlottes flower!
A.I (Allen Iverson for the novices!) retired! Oh no!! Well, here’s some career choices he can follow up with.
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, Randomness | Tags: random | No Comments »
November 10, 2009
Having an affair = Check
Using your work email to conduct it = Check
Forwarding lust filled emails to the whole school = check!
Wow!! Not only did you have an affair with a coworker, now EVERYONE knows about it. Super Smart! But quite hilarious for me!
I was on dlisted when I found this, but it was originally posted on Guest of a Guest. I’m not gonna post their pics, because I feel slightly bad about doing that, but GG has it!
I’ll post a snippet, but you gotta go there for the FULL email!
I don’t think I’ll survive!!! 
From: Lisa
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:23 PM
To: John
Subject: RE:
I see me sitting in your lap straddling, really.facing you with my legs draped over your restrained arms and then wrapped around you and your chair holding you in place you’re pinned and unable to move. I’m leaning back ever so slightly with my hands braced on your desk, helping me to grind my pussy against you.
From: John
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:21 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: RE:
OH DEAR GOD HELP ME!!!
You are pushing buttons that are getting me WAY TOO FUCKING HORNY for being stuck at work!!!
And just WHAT am I supposed to do now??? I can practically FEEL your torturous little fingernails flitting across my stomach, and they’re making me ACHE with the desire for RELEASE!!!
John X & Lisa
Oh & Cornell has also issued a follow up, which states:
Date: November 7, 2009 12:53:52 AM GMT+01:00
To: ~~EVERYBODY >
Subject: Note to Community regarding inappropriate email
To the Johnson School Community,
Some of you received an inappropriate email this afternoon that was accidentally sent to one of our listserves. On behalf of the School, I would like to apologize for this error and ask you to discard this email.
Some of you may be understandably upset about the content of the email and the context in which it was sent. If you need to talk to someone, please don’t hesitate to contact (redacted)
Sincerely,
(Redacted)
Human Resources Manager
The Johnson School at Cornell University
—-
Just Wow!
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, entertainment | Tags: entertainment, hot, relationships | 1 Comment »
March 30, 2009
I learned something new today, which is always great! Someone said they were in the mood to watch some tribbing-and I had no idea what that was. So, being on this eternal quest for knowledge I proceeded to google “tribbing”. Yes, google is wonderful and I don’t know how I survive a day without it. I can’t think of a day that goes by when I don’t google something… anything.. an image… a name.. a person…
But I digress I found out what tribbing was, or tribadism for the more formal. This is the act of two women bumping kitties!!! (I am going to be PG for the sake that I just don’t talk overly dirty and to say it with the other words would just be too vulgar for me). But yes, tribbing is a lesbian sex act that involves two women who lay, i guess, like scissors and rub their snatches on one another. I was shocked. But then was like oh.. well damn, how did they decide to name it tribadism, sounds like a typo on tribalism. Sssoooo… after I found out what it was, i tried to search for videos since I just had to see this act in progress. But no such luck, but there was site dedicated to “tribbing” but I don’t remember if the videos loaded and I know that there were no good valid links on Xtube, but whatever…
****UPDATE****
I found a video that demonstrates what Tribbing is.. it doesn’t tickle my fancy, but someone will like it!
Click Here
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: curiousity, random, review, sex, wtf | 2 Comments »
March 12, 2009
I don’t even know how to approach this subject with care. There is no coy introduction that can be used. So let’s just dive right into this stupidity: Two dumb asses decided it’d be cool to mix a saber saw and a sex toy for their pleasure. I don’t know what made them think this is cool. I support sexual experimentation, but a power tool in your nether region? These 2 geniuses decided to attach the sex toy OVER the blade. Then, I’m assuming, he went to work down there. I’m guessing they wanted to get into a rhythm in foreplay without giving him carpal tunnel. There is no way anyone could convince me to do this and risk being scarred from sex forever! This is an EPIC Fail.
I have a suggestion instead of this: The Sybian sex machine. This machine is a sex toy (dildo) attached to a mount that moves/vibrates. When I went to the sex expo in November they had them for sale, so they aren’t some secret sex toy. This machine is designed to assist in sexual please, unlike power tools!
For people with more money to burn (somehow I don’t think these people did) is the MonkeyRocker priced at $800. (I just searched this one on google and look how easy I found it.)
Wait, I wonder if that’s how they found this genius idea? Because out there on the internet you can see some crazy things, like urethra probing and men who like to screw rubber balls. The internets (as my grandfather calls it) is not always a safe place. Anyway, after homegirl tore her va jay jay to a pulp (which is the only outcome) after things went awry she was flown to a Prince George’s hospital. I’ve heard that she’s been released, but not without some serious psychological (sexual) trauma. Hope she gets better and learns her lesson.
Source
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: news, sex, wtf | 2 Comments »
November 24, 2008
I remember I once read this short story where this guy would break into women’s houses and go down on them. And even though it was creepy women waited to be his next victim. Well, this guy in Valentine, Nebraska decided that he wanted to surprise people in a different way. The man used his backside to vandalize the town since 2007! This mans booty has touched more windows than windex! This 35 year old man was caught on Wednesday and arrested although he hasn’t been charged yet. He’s probably going to get off, literally and figuratively, with a small case of public indecency and vandalism.
His method was to get his booty all oiled up with lotion or petroleum jelly and put his imprints on the windows of businesses. His proudest moment was getting all the windows done on a local hotel. Can you imagine waking up in the morning and coming to work wondering what those heart shaped imprints are. Imagine touching it before you realized what it was. GROSS! Is this a slight variation of exhibitionism? Exhibitionism as described in the DSM-IV is the exposure of one’s genitals to a stranger, usually with no intention of further sexual activity with the other person. In some cases, the exhibitionist masturbates while exposing himself (or while fantasizing that he is exposing himself) to the other person. Some exhibitionists are aware of a conscious desire to shock or upset their target; while others fantasize that the target will become sexually aroused by their display. So, if we use these facts about exhibitionism would it be wise to say that he got off with the idea that he was upsetting the business owners by leaving them “tokens” of his love?
The County’s Attorney said that this isn’t normal behavior for Valentine, as if this is normal behavior for other places. I don’t care where I go, seeing booty imprints on the damn window is not normal. It’s even more abnormal for people to be copying the Butt Bandit! Before they caught the culprit the Valentine PD thought it might have been the work of some copy-cats, now after catching him, they decided it was solely him.
Source
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: blasphemy, news, random, sex, wtf | No Comments »
November 19, 2008
I had to post this blog article from BlogXilla (yes, I am happy to have a new website to frequent, so deal with it!). It really does sum up how I’ve felt about this subject. Me and a friend were talking about this recently, and it’s refreshing to hear it from a guys P.O.V. It’s about how every woman.. especially us black girls I’ve noticed… loves to boast about how “good” her goodies are. His post gets two thumbs up!
Personally, I feel that modesty is a good thing. I would not be interested in having sex with a guy who brags about how good his loving is, so I think its probably the same with guys. The girls who boast how good their va-jay-jay is are probably the ones who just lay there and expect them to do all the work…maybe..
So check it out here: The Biggest Lie Told by Women
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: hot, random, relationships, sex | No Comments »
November 17, 2008
I actually wrote this awhile ago, I emailed it to myself on Oct. 7th. I was waiting to see if I could get a video clip of the scene that I’m trying to describe, but my go-to person wasn’t able to do it. If you are interested it comes from Season 2: episode Was it Good for You? Enjoy!!
The other morning I was watching an episode from Sex And The City season 2. In the episode Samantha said something along the lines of, its the year 2000 and sexual labels would be a thing of the past. We’d no longer be gay or straight therefore not defined by labels. We’d be individualists who had sex with people-men, women whoever. And here we are in 2008, damn near 2009 and there is an outbreak of people being “sexually adventurous” and having sex with men and women. Was SATC simply making an observation of what they saw or being a catalyst for what we face now?
Look at celebrities, Lindsay Lohan for example went from accusations of sexual promiscuity to a, although not confirmed, lesbian relationship after battles with rehab. People say its just a phase, but when did this phase in life become the norm? Kate perry-kissed a girl and liked it. Wonders what her boyfriend will say. What is going on, kids are listening to this and being influenced!! My kids would not be able to hear this in my house. But you never know what your kids listen to with their friends and friends usually have a strong influence on children. I just don’t get it with the obsession with sexual exploration.
I have a friend who’s little sister wears “bracelets” or little hair ties on her wrist which signify that she likes girls too! She’s 16! many people now tote the label “bisexual” saying why should they limit their happiness to the hands of one sex?
Don’t take this as a problem with homosexuality, its not. I think people who are gay, who make it known they are strictly playing for the same team are great. They know what they like and want sexually. Either you are or you aren’t. Stop with the sexual greediness trying to guise it as something else. I don’t need to experiment with another woman to know that I need a man to please me. Most men do not kiss other men to know the want a woman. All this sexual exploration isn’t necessary and its confusing. You know have to ask ppl 3 questions before it goes too far: 1. Are you married (bcuz now a days ppl hide it) 2. Do you have kids. 3. Do you have any homosexual tendencies? Do NOT underestimate the importance of these questions. And don’t just listen to their words when they answer, look at their reactions and body language! Don’t leave home without these tools!
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: entertainment, random, sex, television | No Comments »
October 20, 2008
Ok, so I’ve decided to start a Things that make you go hmm category for things like this. It’s neither a rant or a rave and not quite a GTFOH, lol. More stories will be moved to this category eventually or I may just do a from this date forward kinda thing. Either way, on with the story.
A Michigan man decided that he wanted a blow job from a vacuum the other day at the car wash. I guess regular human suction just wasn’t quite enough, he had to go for that industrial strength. How do you receive sexual favors from a vacuum? That’s how the police reported it. What do you charge him with? Public indecency? Sexual deviancy? How do you say you’re going to jail for fucking a vacuum?
This is amusing to me because me and my BFF were just talking this weekend about how men are fascinated with their penis touching anything. There were videos on some site, either Xtube or YouPorn with men humping balls.. Like big rubber balls you do crunches on. Blasphemy. Like what man wakes up one day and is like “Hmm.. I wonder how it would feel for my penis to rub against that doorknob?” So he tries it, and loves it. Now you have this man filming himself screwing door knobs or chairs or rubber balls, or the computer. What is the name of this? Its not frotteurism… How come vacuum man didn’t just use his Hoover hose at home? I think if you’re going to be sexually deviant in that way, you should stay at home. But in the grand scheme of things, what harm is he really causing? I’d much rather have a vacuum fucker living next door than a pedophile or something horrible like that.
Source
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, Randomness | Tags: news, sex, wtf | No Comments »
