April 14, 2011
Yesterday in an attempt to “eat healthier” a friend and I decided to go to Cosi for some salads or other “healthier” fare instead of our original pizza plan. I opted for a half soup/half salad combo. Tomato Basil soup and the Signature Salad with grapes, apples, mixed greens and gorgonzola cheese thinking I made the healthier choice by eating so light. I even got baby carrots as my side instead of chips.
So I went home to calculate how many PointsPlus this was. Healthy my ASS! Why was a side of soup 6 WW Points?!? And the salad 5 points?!? Pizza is only 4 points per slice (thin crust). How can some seemingly innocent food do such destruction?! I was really bothered, I felt like “damn, I shouldn’t have deprived myself of a little indulgence.” All of these “healthier” options are hiding calories somewhere. The Fuji Apple Chicken Salad @ Panera Bread? When I plugged their nutritional stats into my points calculator that was 10 points. -_- . How can a group of 0 point foods turn into a massive points buster?!?Dressing is like some serious liquid calories for that azz.
I mean, I know that in the end I did the right thing by not opting for the refined carby goodness that was pizza because I supplied my body with some good nutrients (I think with tomatoes and salad greens and carrots right) but when I’m tally up my point total for the day, its disheartening. *sigh* It makes me feel like you can’t win for losing..
It doesn’t help that I just love FOOD! I mean, everything about it. I think I was a chef in a past life or I’m slowly building up to being an amazing cook because food fascinates me. I love sitting in Barnes and browsing the food bible. I really do feeling like battling with food is like fighting an addiction. I scolded myself because I’m able to give up things like twitter, facebook, and even coffee (oh how I miss the smell), but I struggle with other food vices. I mean, food is essential to life and we should enjoy it right?!
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Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: food, life lessons, random | 1 Comment »
My site got hacked over the weekend 
.. Someone embedded some malicious code into a frame (???). Thankfully I was able to get someone to remove it (YAY!!) And now things are back to normal.. I was puzzled as to why someone would want to hack poor little me’s site .. Its not like I’m collecting credit card info or email addresses.. I just don’t get hackers, seriously.
I have to thank Jerry who actually did it! He probably doesn’t even read this stuff because he’s more into presidential grave sites than shoes and random rambling, but he was such a savior! I tried to look at the files where it might be hidden, but who was I kidding, I had NO idea what to look for! HA!
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April 12, 2011
My friend mentioned this to me some time ago, and we discussed the validity of it.. And will admit, I was skeptical, but willing. Partly, because in my perpetual diet since I was 17, they say if you give up something for 2 weeks, the cravings will go away. The will just ebb away.. So I guessed this followed the same principal. I just didn’t know of anything I wanted to make a habit that I could work into life at this time. Since I gave up Facebook and Twitter for lent I realized its true.
In the first few days (weeks) I was jonesing to tweet and update a status.. Or I was receiving texts about someone’s FB posts/pictures. But last week, about 20 something days into lent I realized those urges were dying, and I no longer jonesed so much for the thrill.. I’m serious, in the first few days I’d just go to the FB site and look at the log in page, fighting the temptation. Now, not so much. Do I miss it? YES and I’ll probably be fb’ing as soon as midnight strikes on Easter.. But I probably should see how long I can go without tweeting. The same for TV, once I got accustomed to not watching it, I don’t really think of it. I have days where I wonder about my favorite characters and I catch up, if possible, online.
What I would LOVE to be able to make part of my habit is working out. I’m so over “not having enough time.” While I do admit it is hard with my alternating work schedule and school to find time to actually GO to a gym, that shouldn’t stop me, so I got a BIKE. YES, a pedal bike. I was soooo excited to get this bike, I drove all the way to Yonkers after work to buy it from a coworker, and what happens on the days I try to ride? RAIN!!! Don’t worry though, I’m determined to get this bike on the road and as a vehicle to exercising regularly.
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March 28, 2011
The other day I spent most of the day perusing @jessdubb ‘s tumblr. And I saved sooo many different quotes and photos I felt inspired by. I’ve been a self proclaimed quote whore for many years now…
Yesterday I got the ultimate compliment from a close friend. We spend a sufficient amount of time together and yesterday we were doing one of our favorite Sunday activities: browsing the mall and having a delicious lunch. We talked about typical life stuff and I was feeling very “I can change my life and accomplish anything” having just finished The Travelers Gift. I kept sharing quotes I’d saved from jess’s tumblr and then I pulled out the book and let her read some. We had some good conversation about just our goals and how we want to change things. Later when we got home she sent me the following bbm:
“I had a good day friend. Very positive and motivating. Thank you.” For me, that was THE ultimate compliment. To bring someone else motivation through sharing things I’m passionate about.
So here are a few of the images I hijacked , after all sharing IS caring.
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March 24, 2011
Soooo ..I’ve been bothered by this:
the other morning I made my bbm status “can I hit it in the morning” (because I’ve been feeling the J.Cole and Drake song) and like 2 mins later my co-worker made his bbm status “fat girls shouldn’t have sex related bbm status (n) ”
This bothered me because 1. Subliminal messages are not respected. Was it Juelz Santana who said “if it aint directed directly at me I don’t respect it”? 2. Dude, if I’m fat, what does that make you, a chubby chaser? Hmmm.. And dude, when will you get that I REALLY am not defining myself by what YOU think of me.
I didn’t respond to him because I hate subliminals, therefore I’m not going to acknowledge that I may think you’re talking about me. I believe by responding to him, it would have been just the reaction he wanted. And he would have responded “if you think I’m talking about you then I am” I don’t like that he puts a facade into being my “friend.” The situation came up again later in the week when, at the bar with another coworker who I’m cool with, she tells me she told him that status was rude and people might take offense and he should take it down. He responds, “whatever I can say what I want and if u think xxxxxx feels it’s about her tell her to get her fat ass on the treadmill” when I saw that, it just turned my annoyance into fury. And I saw it, she LET me read the bbm, so it wasn’t hearsay.
I’ve faced the realization he isn’t a REAL friend long ago, and haven’t really been talking to him. But this incident, well, I’m completely over that. I don’t wanna be his friend, associate or whatever-not in a mean way but just in a you don’t exist to me kinda way. The reason is simple-I’m a genuine person and I like genuine people around me. I’m also a positive person in a sense that I always support my friends, this person never is supportive. This is same person who previously belittled my decision to go to graduate school for higher education. Who last week called me naïve because I supported a coworkers decision to report someone who was being unethical, instead of not being in favor of “tattling”
I seriously am bothered by him because he’s a MAN!! Aren’t men supposed to leave the petty comments and trash talking to women? And seriously dude? I’m mid-twenties-you think that’s the first fat joke I heard? That’s the equivalent of telling a person wearing glasses they are 4-eyed (been there, done that). Grow up dude. Stop being so bitchmade. #lessonlearned. I think this also addresses the issue that I feel strongly about, you can’t always befriend your coworkers. Yes, we can have work time to talk and chill but not every coworker should be invited too far into your personal life and I think many young professionals struggle with this, especially if they work around other young people. My office has staff mostly between ages of 23-30 and other departments have younger staff as well. Often I decline opportunities to go out for drinks oe hang because I still want to keep some lines drawn and I don’t ever want pics tagged from those chance outings on facebook. I informed a younger co-worker to cool out on posting too many pics of her out drinking and parlaying with other co-workers (or with friends for that matter) because things are so public. I google myself every few months to check my internet presence-both my name and my email I use for resumes and such. I want to make sure I have a clean internet presence.
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March 21, 2011
I hate to have uncomfortable conversations sometimes. Or at least conversations that I perceive could be uncomfortable, and because of this I usually fester with different scenarios and thoughts working myself into a tizzy, only to present them to the other person for them to be like “oh, ok.” Why do I do this time and time again?!
Currently I’m thinking of how to approach a romantic situation-simply put, I’m not one of those girls who enjoys a NSA relationship. I’ve learned this about myself over time. I don’t believe women can have sex like men, or at least I’m not one of those women, and entering a new sexual relationship without having had that conversation is a BAD thing- at least for me. Mostly because I hate grey area. I have an issue with undefined roles. I believe (and this is recent beliefs) in putting your expectations up front. If I lay out what I am looking for up front and let you make that decision to continue. I’ve been caught in a situation before where I wasn’t clear of the type of person I am, and that only led to ME being frustrated, not the other person. because I compromised who I was by not speaking up, and I don’t believe in taking what you can get just to have someone in your life. Not an ultimatum or pressure, but I believe if you know all the facts up front you can make an informed decision. After all, in this game of dating we’re all just trying to be informed consumers-and some of us are more savvy shoppers than the rest. I like to be committed to my purchase, I often spot something I like then patiently wait for a good deal. Rarely am I an impulse shopper. Not never, but rarely.
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The other night I watched Precious: Based on the novel by Sapphire for the first time and man, this movie really was as sad as people sad.
I didn’t watch earlier because people kept saying how sad the movie was. Plus, I read the book many years ago and I’ve been fooled by other book ‘adaptations’ in the past. So I wasn’t eager. But the other night this movie was in my Top Recommendations on Netflix, so I laid down to watch figuring I’d fall asleep on it. But I didn’t.
I have to note, I vaguely remember the book-i remembered what it was about and how graphic it was, but not exactly HOW graphic or WHAT was graphic about it or WHY. When I told my friend I watched the movie and how I didn’t even feel the tears coming on (seriously, I was just watching nice and calm and the next minute tears were running down my cheeks by no effort of my own) she had some interesting insight. I’ve been pretty open with her about things in my childhood and growing up that I had to agree.
Verbally abusive parents: I grew up with my grandmother and while now I am appreciative of that fact growing up it wasn’t easy. Being called ugly, lazy, tramp or “just like your mother” when your mother is a drug addict are serious things to deal with as a kid/teenager. Being beaten with various household objects (cutting boards, brooms, blind handles) can leave scars-mental and physical. Realizing as an adult that your mom has a sibling jealousy toward you because you. While I think that things are good now between me and my grandmother sometimes when I look at her I see those things and resent them if I’m really honest with myself. Maybe that’s why I personally found the story of Precious to be sad-because the underlying message. One friend said the movie ended on a down note-it left no positivity. I had to disagree, if you listen to what Precious says as she leaves Miss Weiss’ office, she takes notes of her accomplishments, sets new goals for herself and has a determination to do better, as best as she can for herself and her children. My friend said, “but she’s fat, black, uneducated, single mother” and I think if you look past those things you see a person who hadn’t yet come out, who was trying not to be defined by what her circumstances had laid out for her. I saw some things I see in myself.
I used to be embarrassed about things in my past, such as a drug addict mother that I never wanted to discuss it. Now, even though I don’t go announcing it to strangers, I am more open to discussing it with some people. Oftentimes I make light jokes about ti, that some people don’t know how to handle, and I think in the past they were a defense mechanism I employed. Not to say I’m completely over my past or come to grips with everything, I feel I’m more at a point where I can grow from it versus letting it hold me back. I’m not the type to be held back.
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March 16, 2011
Me, being the brightest crayon in the box, had the wonderful experience of having a TV fall on my foot. Granted the TV was already on the floor so it wasn’t too much impact, it hurt like all hell. ALL HELL.
And now my toe is blue and purple. just in time for summer. great!
Ladies, we know how important nice feet are! Don’t let this happen to you, keep a man around!!! lol
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March 10, 2011
OMG this story is disturbing. Let’s not only look at the gist of it: several MEN sexually assaulted an 11 year old girl. Adults and teens. People much older than the 11 year old!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41993963/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/
What disturbs me most about this article is this quote::
Residents who live nearby told The Associated Press this week that they had seen the girl, dressed provocatively and in makeup, hanging out near the area both before and after Nov. 28. Some in the town expressed doubts about the case, even suggesting authorities should consider culpability on the part of the girl.
“Maturity or not I’m pretty sure she knew what she was doing,” Robin Smith, 24, a cashier in Cleveland, said as she shopped this week.
Why is it so common for people to try and crminalize the victim. Even if this girl dressed provocatively (a diff matter) that excuses MEN from raping her? She led them on? She’s fucking 11. I’m too through with this. Disgusted.
If I had been permitted to tweet, this definitely would have been posted because my stomach turned.
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Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: news, random, rants | 2 Comments »
So, this year for lent I’m giving up twitter and facebook. Shoot me now.
People asked me why and I just asked, What Would Jesus Do? And then said Let me be great! Lol
So I’m going to do a post (hopefully daily) on things I would have tweeted about..
1. Whatever happened to that movie where 50 cent was looking real crackish?
2. Grrrr NJTransit. They don’t realize the impact of their tardiness and or inconveniences-for instance, just pulling into a different track can make someone miss their connecting train. >:/
3. “Got my Mac Notebook with my ProTools!” Yaaayyy! Picked up my new laptop from NYU! Woop Woop!
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Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: random | 2 Comments »
March 7, 2011
Yesterday someone said to me, “are you gaining weight?”
That single sentence almost ruined my day. To start I thought I looked quite chic that day in my attire. And while I hadn’t lost any weight my scale also hasn’t moved up. So, I was devastated. Isn’t this question tied with number one for “Questions not to ask women?” Along with ‘how old are you?”
I had just had a conversation the previous day where someone said “but you don’t need to lose weight” and I had to explain that its not about there being bigger people in the world, its a matter of physical satisfaction with oneself, which I do not have. I mean, how is that a statement to offer someone solace, “Don’t worry, there are fatter people out there.” Soo.. I should just be happy being on the slim side of fat? #thanksbutnothanks.
Do I know that? Does it make me feel better when I look in the mirror naked? Yes and no respectively. Weight loss is HARD, especially when your like me and have little discipline and even less time on your plate. Even without making excuses, weight is a sensitive subject that I usually only discuss with those close to me, am I alone?
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February 8, 2011
The other day or last week me and a friend were having a conversation over Gchat .. and I decided to blog it .. rather than explain it and all that, just check it out::
A: so right, my new co-worker told me that I seem unapproachable. Like when Im walking around and stuff, and I look mean until I start talking to someone and then I look happy and good .. but that she was kind of nervous to talk to me .. .and then she sat with me last week for training and she’s like you know then I really realized ur really nice and funny and stuff
I dont seem unapproachable do i?
is it cuz I’m light skin?
B: lmao. I think its cus your black
A: lol but she’s black too
B: Real talk though, I think part of it has to do with the fact that you/we have this “woman on a mission” look/walk/way about us, that may make us seem unapproachable
that doesnt matter
I’ve had a black person tell me the same thing
A: thats true .. i do have a “woman about my business walk” lol
B: told ya! and your a cutie, so maybe she thought you thought you were “too good” or something
you literally have to go out of your way to say hi to everyone and damn near smile as you walk. lol
A: its true! you have to like be this walking smiling mannequin .. but like who the hell just walks and smiles?
B: heres the kicker though. (I’ve being giving this some thought)What do ppl really think would happen to them if they approached you, especially in the work place??
do they really expect you to give the stereotypical eye roll, head dance attitude?
A: this is true .. like do they expect a sigh and a head nod and for you to keep it moving? I think its a cop out for people being nervous sometimes .. like don’t blame it on me .. just say, “I was new and nervous about my first impressions. ..”or whatever
B: right!!!I can KINDA see guys feeling like they might get shut down
(had a dude that I thought was hella fine at my job tell me that)
but I dont think we run into that problem with older guys (as Ive been approached, even if its just to say hi, by older guys at my job)
women, are a different story though.
A: yeah I agree … men, especially older are diff .. one guy just walks past my office and says hello .. i can’t even remember his name .. just whenver he’s in my building .. women are diff .. which is why I was happy that I started work the same time as another girl so it kinda broke the ice
and almost everyone in my office is under 30 ..
** I might have to blog this ** lol
B: go for it!!!!
its definitely a issue that I think a lot of females face. On the opposite end, do you approach 20 something new black females, at random or not?
A: I always introduce myself to people when t hey start .. and try to make converation, ask where’d they work before .. get a feeel for them
———-
What do you guys think? Has this been something you’ve faced / encountered? Is this real? Why do people judge you off how you walk around?
Posted in Cleo's Rants, eternal reflections | Tags: curiousity, fashion, news, workplace antics | 1 Comment »
January 21, 2011
I’m all over the place in case you guys don’t know. At any given time I can think of several different goals/tasks I’d like to accomplish but finding the time to address all of them is H.A.R.D. So, one thing I want to do is spend less time being idle, you know sitting around watching things you aren’t interested in on TV. How do I accomplish this?
1. Canceling cable. Shocking Right? A mid-twenties girl with no cable. This decision was sparked by first thinking of expenses I could scale back on and then the idea that I can really watch almost anything online. A larger factor was that I’m rarely home as is and I DVR everything and with the addition of graduate school I will have even less time, so why tempt myself. This weekend I’m taking Comcast back their boxes and making the switch. Oh and I also signed up for Netflix because not only can I watch whole seasons of shows, I can stream to my laptop.
2. Spend more quality time with people. I think I’m going to try to spend at least 1 day a month with friends/family. So one friday might be spent with my bff Q and another weekend I might spend Sunday with Granny. I will make a more conscious effort to invest in my friendships and relationships.
3. Enjoy personal time. I enjoy the time I spend alone, even if its just painting my nails or getting ready for work (when I’m not rushing ).
4. Know what’s worth agonizing over. If you can’t fix/change it, don’t stress it.
5. Care less about peoples opinions about me. The person I ultimately wish to please is ME. Do what you do for YOU and no one else. Lately I’ve encountered a person in my life who I want to refer to as a “Negative Nelly” nothing I Say or do is ever sufficient. When I told said person about my graduate school plans they proceeded to tell me this was the wrong field and told me of where the real $ was and that I was wasting my time. Because I asked your opinion? When I told them of my desire to lose weight, everything I did was not enough. A lean cuisine was too fatty of a lunch. They even one time tried to harp on me about the use of a word, which was used correctly. This person always constantly relates to their own worth in terms of money and what they can buy. Eventually when this person would go on tangents I just began to say “ok” and “mmhmm” because you can’t argue with a fool. From afar people can’t tell who the fool is. But I also realized I gave them this power over me. Stop telling them stuff. If everything you do they offer nothing positive or constructive criticism, why did I continue to tell them stuff? Lesson learned. Not to say its easy, but I know I’ll save myself more stress in the end.
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January 12, 2011
Who’s going to be a New York University Alumni ?? That’s right ME!
In case you don’t know me well enough to know that I have a real job/career. You know, one that pays the excessive bills I have every month, and its at a college/university. I actually enjoy what I do and find it to be satisfying and would love to spend my life in this field, just not in the current job I have. So, I’m attending the New York University, Steinhardt School of Culture, Education and Human Development. I will be looking to receive a M.A in Higher Education/Student Personnel Administration (or as my lovely coworker calls it, my Nursing Degree)
I am so excited because I’ve been wanting to go back for a Master’s Degree for some time. Initially when I took my first full-time job at Rutgers when I graduate it was with the intention to get a FREE graduate degree while employed there, but at the time I was so all over the place and unsure of what I actually wanted to do with my life, because I was one of those people who had no idea what they really wanted to do with the life after college and majored in Journalism & Media Students because I do enjoy writing. So I did take that time to take some non-matric classes to feel my way around, I took a Budget & Marketing class, an English Class (graduate English students are weirdo central by the way!), and even a spanish class. Eventually I begain to decide I did enjoy working in the education field and was torn between School Counseling and College Student Affairs, I took a Counseling & Interview course which was a requirement for both degrees and took the time to decide which job was for me and decided I LOVE working in colleges. I just don’t have the patience for anyone younger than 17 and I like the workplace environment. So then I began to research other programs and not limit myself to the school I was working at, especially since I was unsatisfied with my job there. And that’s how I got here
I’m really happy because this was the #1 goal I set for myself back in early 2010, peep: http://cleosunshine.com/2010/01/my-non-new-years-resolutions/
# 1. Get into Grad School !!!
Yay Me!
Let’s take a minute to reflect back on the other goals I made:
Write More: Um, I did get published, but I didn’t write here as much as I should/could have.
Read more non-fiction: I read a lot this year, so much that I had to give up my Barnes & Noble membership in lieu of a free library card. Yeah. But I can’t say I read 1 non-fiction a month. #drats
Prioritize: I guess I did focus on some things and didn’t spend as much time online, I just spent that time shopping or eating… hmm
Be more family oriented: This was hit or miss. I did feel like I was making a big effort, I just felt it wasn’t returned so I gave up.
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December 10, 2010
So .. today over a nice delicious Portuguese BBQ meal me and a coworker had a discussion about women who are scandalous. Some of us often refer to them as “ain’t shit” or “rachet” or just plain “hoes”. You know, women who make eye contact with a man and then blow him in the bathroom of the local VFW (yup women do this). So I said to this person, a wonderful woman, who is awesome. She’s like my auntie. She’s like 38 to my 25 and we just talk and she’s great. But anyway, I said to her you know its women like this who make it so easy for guys to be disrespectful to women. It’s women like this that are the reason that men can so easily not be in relationships, because they can get all the benefits of a relationship with strangers.
I mean men aren’t totally blame free, but if women stopped allowing them to do trifling stuff, who would they do it with? I mean, don’t get me wrong, public sex is HOT .. with my boyfriend!!! Or a guy I’m dating seriously. But I could NEVER make out in the bathroom of a bar with a stranger, I’d at least let him take me back to his hotel room! It’s reality though, why is a guy going to put in all this work (i.e take you to dinner, find out your interests before trying to screw you) if he can get laid without any effort?
So then I came home and was reading on NecoleBitchie this snippet from a Taraji P. Henson interview in Complex Mag. I love love Love Taraji, ever since I first saw her in Baby Boy!” If a woman’s sleeping with this dude one night, another guy the next, no one’s taking her seriously. If you don’t give it up, he doesn’t have that power. We get men’s attention when we close our legs. For me, it’s not a game. I’m seeing what I can put up with. I’m not perfect, but I need to know if I’m going to like you on the days when I don’t want to like you.”
It made me think about where I am in life and what I’m looking for (or not looking for) but what I hope to find one day and about what I’m willing to accept from a guy right now. And I’ve realized that I am not interested in a solely sexual relationship with anyone (no matter how much I need to get laid) and it sucks because that’s what so many guys are looking for. But I wont settle. Never settle.
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: celebrity, fashion, rant, relationships | 1 Comment »
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