Critical Condition

Critical Condition

Lifestyle
It's been suggested that I try doing videos with my blog posts (vlog properly I guess). Finally,I have given in... I created my first VIDEO BLOG! I am a YouTuber! WOW. The start of a new year brings with me, for the first time, lots of remorse and trepidation. I have been drowning in self-loathing over the success then failure of my weight loss. I lost weight, 25 pounds or so, and then I gained it back. I felt defeated, lost in the scent of despair. Lost in the fact that I got so close to the door and had to turn back. It crippled me. But now, I feel rejuvenated. I feel like I can't go on like this any longer. Maybe its because I'm vain. Shoot me, I…
Read More
The Dominio Effect

The Dominio Effect

Lifestyle
I don't know where it all went wrong. I don't know where I got set back. Somewhere in between start and finish, or maybe start and evaluate, set new goal, repeat. I got stuck. Everything feels temporary. Everything I enjoy feels like a hassle. Like more work than the work that pays my bills. I feel consumed with insecurity. You didn't do this.... You could have done better. I should have tried it this way. I should have said that. I feel rushed. All the time. Nothing is done in the time frame I set. And set backs occur more on personal goals than anything else. What is a work/life balance. Take it back. Spring 2014. My #2014orBust theme was in full swing. I was down 20lbs, I just ran…
Read More
The Chicken Dance

The Chicken Dance

Lifestyle
** Draft Started on 9/4/2014 *** When presented with an opportunity to grow, often masked as a difficulty or challenge we have to overcome, often the first instinct is to rely on old emotions or actions, right?  Because change is uncomfortable and uneasy and just ... strange. I, personally, hate moments of awkwardness, but realize I have spent more moments in transitional periods of awkwardness (aka growth) than I have being still. At least in my own mind... In my head I'm constantly thinking of the next move, how to learn, how to grow. Even if I don't act swiftly, I'm consistently thinking about action; not in the "good morning and grind" Instagram meme kind of way either. Which makes me wonder, can I ever be content? Will I ever…
Read More
Where There’s Smoke

Where There’s Smoke

Lifestyle
This post was started in February 2014 after a work presentation .. *********************** The old adage what do you want to be when you grow up is so outdated any truly reflective of the society we live in. In out parents (or grandparents) era you worked to get a job and for the most part you stayed at that job until,retirement. Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. And in some instances that still happens: cops, teachers, postal worker... But the reality is most if my generation is looking to be the next big thing in their respective industry. And with the globalization of the US, more schooling options, and increased access, you have the power to change your mind, develop new ideas and create your own careers. How does this philosophy get engrained…
Read More
Defining Moments …

Defining Moments …

Lifestyle
This post was started back in April 2012. I've decided I'm getting rid of all my lingering drafts! SO therefore, I can't finish it because I have no idea what my thought process was back then .. but bear with me. Enjoy!! ******************************** I forget that I'm smart. I forget that I enjoy engaging in intellectual dialogue and the exchange of free thought because it is not a part of my daily life. You would think that it would be, being that I am *hopefully* in the last year of my Masters degree and that I work at a college. But the fact is, not everyone enjoys a good back and forth exchange as much as the next. Also, when in class, those old feeling of "self doubt" and "don't…
Read More
The Real Me

The Real Me

Fashionable, Lifestyle
To not let these pics go to waste, I decided to post my before and after pics. This is me pre-makeup and this is after. This make-up was done on the Northeast Regional Amtrak train. I tell people all the time my daily makeup routine is 5 minutes, and literally can be done in a car (since that's what I do every day en route to work). My go to items: Clinque Perfectly Real Powder Foundation in Shade 138 Clinique Quick Blush in Berry on time b or In a Rush Blush shade (recently discontinued) Black eyeliner (I prefer Clinique Black Diamond pencil for daily wear, but use a myriad of others as well) Black Mascara (I use any drugstore brand, my go to is Maybelline Great Lash) I sometimes…
Read More
They Shoot Single People,  Don’t they?

They Shoot Single People, Don’t they?

Lifestyle, Mis-Adventures
Before I start, I think I've decided to start using SATC episode titles to title my blog posts... they seem to fit everything. I hope I don't get sued. Onward to the topic at hand ... There are many things right now that I am wholly uninterested in. Currently, I have no interest in first dates and getting to know you. The idea of asking those questions like, "who you be with? What ya interest are? Things that make you smile and what numbers to dial," make me want to bury my head in a groundhog fashion. I just feel completely disinterested in the whole process. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely want to end my single status, but at what cost? I've signed up for freeonline dating sites before,and…
Read More
The Drought

The Drought

Lifestyle, Mis-Adventures
In an effort to really show that I'm serious about my future, I've taken to reading some dating books. I mean, clearly I need to do something different if I want new results. I had "Finding a Man Worth Keeping" on my bookshelf for years, but never opened it. Over the past month I've gotten about 4 chapters in. Even though its weird at first, I like that the author has you do some self-evaluation and assessments. Its sort of an "interactive" book in the way A Purpose Driven Life is. So once a week, I sit down with my notebook and see whats next. I admit, the past week or two I haven't been as diligent, because I'm not quite sure how ready for dating I am. But whose…
Read More
Enchantment Passing Through

Enchantment Passing Through

Fitness, Lifestyle
Yoga is new to me and of course being the crazy person I am I started with Bikram (or hot yoga depending on who you ask) , and I'm learning to will and focus my body but how can I will and focus my mind? I tend to be someone who charges forward with new things or just whatever my current interest is, maybe it's the Gemini in me. But the problem with charging full steam ahead is I run out of fumes too early. Or I lack true preparation skills and forward thinking. I know that I have trouble with accountability when it comes to holding myself accountable, which is why this week I was able to skip the gym entirely. Not the best idea when you want to train…
Read More
Trappings and other musings

Trappings and other musings

Lifestyle
I was driving down a construction road where two lanes were broken down to one. I was stuck behind a Jeep Cherokee while it was dark outside and they were going about 40 miles per hour. All I could think about was how bad I wanted to get away from this car. When the lanes finally opened anger washed over me as I realized there was nothing in front of this car preventing them from driving faster. I began to wonder why it bothered me so much and faced the realization that I felt trapped. I had no where else to go. As that thought lingered, I realized how in life I reject the idea of feeling trapped, by circumstances, money, space and even time. It might be why I…
Read More
Shrink Wrap: minimizing emotions

Shrink Wrap: minimizing emotions

Lifestyle
Someone told me I don't speak up for myself. Actually several people have told me I don't speak up for myself. This had led me to question what does that mean, both professionally and personally. Since this is the year (again) that im building my personal life and goals I will dive into that first. Personally, I feel that there is a part of me that's scared to be "too much" but I read a quote that said - you'll always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out all your edges, you lose your edge. I feels like depending on where I'm at physically, I'm rounding out my edges to not be too much of whatever it is…
Read More
Life Lessions and other relevant information

Life Lessions and other relevant information

Lifestyle, Mis-Adventures
I wrote this post 9 days ago according to iNotes. I remember writing it on a plane and stopping because I was getting emotional. While that felt like months ago it was less than two weeks ago.  Days and nights seamlessly merge without much distinction or distraction, not always a bad thing to feel as if your on a continuum, unless you revel in change and growth, as I often do. Anyway, the actual post ... I've missed the space where I felt I could truly be the person I imagine myself to be. That space is here on your screen behind the guise of Wordpress. I've been away from my site and my notebook for far too long, long enough where I can't even fathom calling myself a blogger, writer or…
Read More
In the City of Sex …

In the City of Sex …

Lifestyle, Mis-Adventures
NO! Not that kind of Sex .. IDK that title just sort of came out when I went to type in the title field. .. usually titles are so hard to come up with for me, but sometimes they just flow.. So anywho .. I spent the last weekend of September on my couch watching the first half of Season Six Part 1, all part two and the first Sex and the City movie. And as I was going to bed tonight, I was thinking about how no matter how many times I watch it, I never grow to love Jennifer Hudson's character. That all you remember about her was her bad country accent and city naiveté she represents. Then it hit me. The characters from sex and the city, the people they interact…
Read More