April 16, 2012
Today I can’t help but think on the difference between affection and attention. Which one is more important? I immediately thought back to a time a few years ago. It was within the first year of me graduating college and I lived in my first apartment. Me and the infamous EX were on one of our “off” periods that had lasted at least 8 months to a year. While we weren’t technically Ina relationship we still engaged I relations and spent a huge chunk of time together masquerading behind the premise of friendship. During this time “apart from him” I met a guy who I still refer to as “south jersey,” and he was a complete 180 from what I knew. He was older by approximately 8 years, smart, interesting, and open about his emotions and his flaws. We didn’t get to see each other because he lived in the foreign country known as southern new jersey but whenever we saw each other I felt smart, sexy, and confident. Those feelings lasted for days after. It took me awhile to open up to him but he earned a special place in my heart. Eventually I began to have feelings for both SJ and EX.. And even though everything in my mind told me don’t go with EX, I always went back to him because of attention, even though often there was an absence of affection. I remember roomie saying to me that I valued attention more than anything else at that time.. And even though I knew it wasn’t smart, I began diverting my attention and feelings into where I was getting it from most. How many times do women fall for the wrong types because he gave her the attention she feels she deserves?
I started thinking about this as I am on the brink of meeting someone who probably can’t give me the attention I “want” but the affection isn’t missing? Am I making any sense? In the logical side of my brain, I know that constant attention is a spoil enhanced by increased access to technology and definitely not realistic. My last relationship was so full of attention. Because it grew out of HS, a place where you saw your love daily, the when we separated during college years texting and aim kept us constantly in contact when we couldn’t see each other. It seemed normal that you’re supposed to talk to your love all day every day.. What world was this?! What I did learn was constant “attention” doesn’t delay or prevent infidelity. Even though I was constantly In touch with him, he still found time to pursue others. So was the attention really worth it? Did it define how he felt about me?
Reeling myself in .. I’m struggling now with how much attention do I think I need versus how much affection I crave. Am I ready for quality over quantity? And even though I have the same, if not more access to technological ways to stay in touch, do they really matter? Do I have the time a day to be pinned to my phone exchanging random text messages or enjoying. My days to later talk about in bed while cuddling? I started thinking “what would Carrie do?” in SATC they don’t seem to be preoccupied with talking to their beaus all day, they are too busy being good friends, career minded individuals. Even Char, who became a housewife, didn’t seem to spend her days worried about talking constantly to her husband. Is this a lesson that gets reinforced with age?
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: dating, Musings, relationships, single | No Comments »
April 27, 2011
Nostalgia can be a good thing sometimes. You know, reminiscing about the times when your family would get together and have that big yearly barbeque. Or the antics you and your friends got into high school. However, the other day I had some thoughts of nostalgia that left me sad. The thing with Mister Nostalgia is that it’s a gift and a curse.. Let me tell you my experience recently with old Mr. Nostalgia.
Last week I was having one of those self doubt filled weeks, questioning past decisions and if they were right and kinda feeling lonely. (I think all single girls have that feeling sometimes). Well, I got to thinking about my EX and just kinda missing the relationship we had. I think I miss the friendship over everything else. I was missing talking to him all the time. The someone to talk to about nothing all day with. I had those, “are you sure this isn’t the person for you thoughts and maybe after it all you guys will still be.” All these thoughts festered for awhile, maybe two days .. Then I started thinking about all the BAD things between me and said ex. Like him not going to my college graduation because he had to attend another girl that he was dating graduation. Or him having a young chick on the side for a few years and the various other things that happened in our tumultuous on and off 8 year relationship..
Do you see how nostalgia can be a bad things. Imagine if those feelings had been nurtured, I could have found myself making a phone call and getting caught back up in some bad news. Do I still miss the friendship, yes.. And slowly we work at having some semblance of friendship but its important, for my sanity and hearts sake, to be able to distinguish between what I miss. I don’t miss wondering why I wasn’t enough.. Or what he was doing if he didn’t answer the phone. I getting together or Sunday nights to watch True Blood and someone who liked to try new recipes with me sometimes and sharing new music and interesting news articles with .. And we do that sometimes, over twitter and facebook lol!!
Be careful with Mr. Nostalgia is all I’m saying.
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry. Excuse my typos and other errors “/
Posted in Cleo's Rants, eternal reflections | Tags: dating, nostalgia, rants, relationships | No Comments »
March 2, 2010
Today’s long-awaited (haha) Spreading Sunshine is dedicated to dating! Why all the dating posts? Because some of the stuff that I’ve encountered as a newly single twenty-something has me confused. And apparently I’m not alone. Me and my homegirl TB were just gchatting away about guys (and maybe this is just NJ guys) and their lack of dating etiquette. TB made a good point that its time to get back to basics. People somehow think that dating is either an exclusive relationship or a Friends with benefit relationship. NO!! Dating is dating. Going out and having a good time, not chilling in the house! And it doesn’t necessarily include hooking up! A girl doesn’t want to have to explain this. All we girls want is to go out, laugh, and have a good time. We can do fun (FREE) stuff. NOt every date has to be an all-star event. But that’s not to say we don’t want to get dressed up and cute. I have been DYING to wear this cute outfit I have in my closet. It’s a PERFECT date outfit. But unfortunately, no luck yet. Is it asking too much to have a guy give me a reason to get all dressed up? It would be nice for him to call me, YES CALL, me and say “get dressed I’m picking you up” and then we have a night on the town. I miss those days. And I shouldn’t miss them, I’m barely 25 for Christs Sake!!
Here are the links for this topic:
Don’t Text Me No Mo’!! UGH. It’s called communication people. We’re not tweens who are in class all day. Call Me. Plain and Simple. You can get to know me a lot quicker and better by dialing me up.
Why are you still single? The Married guy is breaking down what should be done with your time in singledom. I agree with some and not others. I do think you need to learn how to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Saying that volunteering is going to lead to a successful relationship… not totally seeing that correlation.
18 Things not to do .. This is for when you finally have a guy who does ALL the dating steps right and you decide to invite him over for some ‘Wham Bam’ he needs to heed these tidbits of advice. Dear Sirs, if you’re reading. Please pay close attention to #s: 4, 7, 8, 10 and 17. ESPECCIIAALLLY 17.
#IMJUSTSAYING
Article that’s good for reading about Enjoying Dating (thanks to TB!!!) From Essence, titled: Stop Stressing Marriage and Enjoy Dating (or something like that)
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: comedy, dating, fashion, random, relationships | 3 Comments »
