*sigh* This song has been on my mind for a few days now. FEAR. How many people are ready and willing to admit what they fear?And I’m not talking, fear of heights and spiders. I’m talking when was the last time you thought about the fears Jazz Sull is talking about (by the way, when is her next album coming out??)
I recently acqiured a composition notebook and labeled it ‘The Book of Truths … or my version of it’
My first entry was about fear. Fear of letting go. I can be pretty lackadaisical about many things in life, and I am for the most part .. but I’m very guarded. I fear letting that guard down. Many people think they know me because I share trivial stories about my day to day life (which can be pretty entertaining and amusing in my own small sort of way) but not many know about the nuts and bolts of Cleo.. and I’m scared of that. Being vulnerable is one of the hardest positions to put yourself in. At least to me. So the next entry .. while on a totally different topic tackled fear of a whole different nature. It’s amazing how many of life’s problems can be attributed to fear. When was the last time you asked yourself, what am I scared of? Is it possible to be scared of success and greatness? Fear doesn’t always hold you back, it sometimes catches you when you least expect it. Fear prevents you from letting go of long time friends and habits. Fear can prevent you from taking a detour in life that may show you a better route. Fear can cause you to constantly compare yourself to others. They aren’t scaring you, you’re scaring yourself.
I vow to tackle my fears (slowly) one by one. I feel like we’re constantly calling ourselves ‘A work in Progress’. When have you met someone who said I love me, allll of me flaws and all? Well, I love who I am. Who I’ve become. I’m not a work in progress. I am progress.
I said this to my friend as we discount shoe shopped today. She was looking at a pair of shoes and said something of the sort, these are so cute and fun but I have no where to wear them to… I told Dubb my quote and she likes & believes in it. It’s true. You ever have a pair of shoes you HAVE to find the perfect place to go out and wear them? You search for any reason to wear them. OH no, thats just me .. ooops
I really wanted to share this BBM conversation. BBM is short for BlackBerry Messenger (in case you’re NOT in the know) This application is the sole reason young people are flocking to the Blackberry lately, IMO. Anywho, this conversation was had between a former college classmate and myself. We’re both mid-twenty somethings and pretty amusing if I do say so myself. I think the convo started from a comment on someone’s BBM status message, and then it developed a mind of its own. **names have been edited for security reasons**
A: Me & boo boskie split b4 new years
A: : *dueces* were chucked
B: Dam. Son that’s life. Ppl not makin the cut for 2010. Apps r in heavy rotation. Don’t call me. Ill call uuuuu! Lol
A: Lol yup yup
A: Suckas need not apply
B: Yea min experience is 3 yrs of commitment. And start investing in that 401k(arat) plan is a requiremnt after 1 full year of the signed contract. Company is progressively growing at an alarming rate and we need not waste time investing in non potential co-executive CEO’s. Thank u!
A: Llmmmaaaoooo
A: Hilarious
B: But tru.
A: Very true
A: These dudes out here aint ready for a good woman though
A: They busy bs’ing
B: I knooooo. And the f’d up part about it is that we have a biological clock to attend too. Like wtf! If were not atleast close to engagment by 30 them its a wrap. Our time diminshes greatly.
A: I kknnooww :’(
A: As I approach my quarter century bday in 3 mths its all i can think of
A: Fuk this clock
A: I’m late for everything anyway lol
B: Lmfao!!!!! Yooooo ur wild!!!! That was a good one
My FAVE parts of this convo were the application requirments and the idea that we have a clock to attend to. Whenever I read back on this convo, I crack up. I won’t say which one is me though. I can’t incriminate myself. I just can’t!
I think Dubb touched on this today that many women are surrendering their feminine qualities in lieu of masculinity and success in the workforce and their issues with submitting. (Check it HERE) Many women are ignoring their ‘biological’ clock to pay attention to the ladder they need to climb. I believe that while it shouldn’t be your sole focus in life, it shouldn’t be completely discarded. Balance. I want to have a succesful career, but at the same time I want to be a stay at home mom for maybe the first 5 years. Or work but part-time or on a per diem basis. What’s so wrong with that? I’m not living in fear that my job (or any job) won’t be there. I plan (HOPE) to have my work speak for itself. I guess this would be different if I was, for arguments sake, someone in an entry-level position for my job. But that’s the thing, I don’t want just a JOB. I’d much prefer a career. Just like I’d much rather prefer a family to none. A real family though. Dinner is served at 7pm and I made it all from scratch boo, so let’s eat together and discuss our day. Is that too much? Does this exist? Do guys even want this anymore? I told my grandfather I wanted to meet a guy, fall in love, and get married and have babies. I said I want to meet a man who’s as into me as I am to him. He pretty much said “Get real, it doesn’t happen that way” #crusheddreams.
Another post from my Myspace days … I don’t write on my Blackberry like I used to. I am disappointed after the Spring guy lost all my memos for me when he replaced my new phone. He assured me everything would transfer over. I guess he thought my only concern was my contacts. Anywho, it just goes to show that you can do wonderful things on a blackberry and I try to use all the feature. Hope you enjoy this one too!
Bored one day… typed this on my crackberry… its a work in progress.. but aren’t they all??
Days go by whispering images of you and I
Mental flashbacks creating a colorful canvas
Captured what we had as an eternal moment in time
Before it happened
Before we ruined it
Prior to the pretenses
Prior to the punctured ego
Memories of happiness take me to glee
Amid a sea of uncertainty
Love and lifes twist
Created a tangle of me
Sold me solid gold plated dreams
In lieu of platinum promises
Romance killed by lusts deception
made me a mystery to most
The one who needed to see me clear
Clearly had a visual obstacle
Blind to my potential
You’re so close but infinitely miles away
On spaces continuum of time you are here
In this year doing these things
With these folk
And I am with Victorian royalty
Awaiting you to show up to court
But at some moment you depart
And I descend from dreams
To face my reality
1. Want to be a Wine expert? Me too! I happen to LOVE wine, and I’m all for having the right wine for the right occasion. Except, my dilemma is that I hate red wine! But, like the author said, “Every adult should be familiar with wine, even if they do not drink it.”
2. Would you get a piranha pedicure? Part of me finds this midly intriguing but utterly gross!!! What do they do with the fish while they change the water? But I just really want to know how smooth are your feet when its done? Will some people still need that razor later??
3. Need a Plug Rug? So, when I go out and I need to hide things – tampons, cameras, ID and the like, I just stuff it in my cleavage. But I guess not everyone is as fortunate and they need a plug rug. Get them while they’re HOT!
4. It’s a Wheel? It’s a Hampster Wheel? It’s a bed? Yes, that’s right, this is a cool, ROCKING bed! This would be great for getting that perfect angle to watch TV on. And maybe a few other good uses. The site is in some other language, Dutch or German, so I can’t find the price, good luck with that! Consider it your own persona cloud!
Their is the timeless argument about men, women, and who pays for the date. Many women, myself included, feel a man should pay. Some men feel that women should pay. Especially in this age of Ms. Independent. Now, I work hard and I don’t really care who knows it, but I’m not one of those women who boasts about how she has her own. In fact, every time I heard that song by Jamie Foxx, Fabolous, & Ne-yo I’d cringe when he said “she takes pride knowing she paid for it.” Not that its a stupid bad thing but not everyone enjoys that. Personally I’m happier when I’m using something that was a gift, it makes me feel like someone loved me enough to buy me something they knew I’d enjoy, like my Keurig coffee maker. Or a piece of jewelry. It loses its luster knowing I bought it for myself (and probably the reason I don’t buy myself jewelry). Every time I use it I think of the person who bought it for me and it brings a smile to my face. I never got the girl who always had to boast about what she did for herself, NEWSFLASH: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TREAT YOURSELF GOOD! You don’t get a reward for doing what your supposed to do. You’re supposed to keep a roof over your head and clothes on your back, its essential to life.
OK, back to the topic at hand: Dating in the new world. Guys are starting to feel that women are equal to them in terms of money and etc., so they should be paying. And I can’t blame them for feeling that way when people are screaming it down their necks. I was listening to The Ed Lover Morning Show the other day and a listener called to ask about this same thing. She asked why do guys want you to put out after they paid for a few dates or something along those lines. And Ed simply broke it to her: In dating, just like anything else in life, people want a return on investment. If you are NOT Interested in this man beyond the friend zone, let him know so he can go get a return on his investment somewhere else. And I can’t say that I disagree. I mean, when your just getting to know a guy, sure its fine to let him pay, but once you make that decision that you don’t want to take it to the next level with him, its not fair to expect him to keep buying you dinners and even gifts, especially in this recession. It’s just selfish. I remember there was one time I wanted to go out. I was sitting at home bored really craving some T.G.I.Fridays. I also happened to be a little strapped for cash. So I didn’t want to call up a guy and invite him out because if you invite someone out, you have to be prepared to a) go dutch or b) pay for the outing yourself. So I had to ignore my Friday’s cravings that night. Do I think it would have been a problem finding someone to pay? Probably not, but its just not proper etiquette in my opinion. But every girl likes to feel wanted by a man, and they like to know they have someone who will do it for them.
Its pretty girl syndrome. Everyone knows a girl like this. Pretty girl syndrome sufferers are chronically late, they almost always have a guy on stash (even if they have a boyfriend) who is willing to give them money or take them places or get things fixed whom they’ve never had sex with. These people are simple enamored by their beauty and love to be in their presence. The pretty girl knows this and takes full advantage of it.
My suggestion? Hell, I don’t think I have one. OK, I’m lying. I’m all about being courted and I won’t take a guy seriously unless he courts me. That means paying for dates, opening doors, and being a gentelman. Now, I’m not saying you even need to spend a lot of money. I enjoy bowling nights, happy hour drink specials, buying dinner and I’ll cook it. Now, being that you’re courting me I should act accordingly. I won’t snap at you in public nor will I gawk at other males in your presence. I will listen to your ramble on about yourself. I think girls need to cut all this bullcrap about trying to be “equal” and having “sex like a man” with no attachments because its just stupid! Stupid I tell you! It’s not as easy as it appears and most of the guys who are out there sleeping around are searching for something they just haven’t found yet! I definitely don’t want someone to expect me to pay for dates, or even ask them out. Just stop it ladies.. don’t make it bad for girls like me
So I don’t normally do relationship blogs, but I feel the need to talk about something. I guess because I’m experiencing it in my life a little, and this is what this blog is for. So today we are going to talk about a guy type, Mr. Too Much Too Soon or Mr. Eager, but really there are many names for this type of guy. This type of guy is really annoying when you don’t share the same times of feelings that he’s feeling, which is usually how all problems arise. But back to topic.
Mr. Eager Beaver, this is the guy whom you just met. You have spoke maybe 2 times and hung out together once. You are thinking to yourself “Well OK, he’s cool. We are getting to know each other.” But after these few interactions all he can talk about his how much he likes you and wants to make you his girl. For me, this is slightly creepy because I usually feel that we don’t know each other that well. And it’s a huge turn off. I’m very guarded and I have to feel you out, I have yet to meet someone and feel this instant kismet. Secondly, I feel that things like this don’t have to be said. If you met me, and you really like the conversation and the vibe that is being given then you make it so we spend more time together. Then it would naturally progress to being a whirlwind romance. But by you constantly talking about it, I’m weirded out. The worse (and this happened) a guy who is like yeah my family will love you. WTF!
Can anyone remember the scene in Waiting to Exhale where Robin (Lela Rochon) was arguing with Troy (Mykelti Williamson) from the balcony. And she asks what have I done in 3 weeks to warrant me meeting your mama? That’s how I feel. Now for some, this whirlwind romance can be a wonderful thing. And it has led to many wonderful romances, but there has to be a degree of mutual chemistry. Because just like with anything else, its only annoying if YOUR not interested.
So how do you deal with Mr. Eager Beaver? Normally, I’d just put him on ignore and wait until he got the point. But I’ve come to realize that doesn’t always work. And its better to be mature and up front about it. I recommend sitting down and clarifying the standing of the “relationship.” Making sure you both are on the same page. And outlining any things that need to be said to make it so that you stay on the same page. For instance, if he feels that you calling him 2x a week means you want something more. YOu need to be able to say OK, I understand that and make an effort not to call him more than 2x a week unless you want to give off that vibe. Do whatever you need to do, even if it means cutting off what could be a seemingly nice guy, because most of the time they don’t get it. And then you have a potential problem on your hands.
On the flip side, you have girls that enjoy this kind of attention. So let these guys go back out there and find them. Know what you want and how to avoid settling. This is something that I’m still working on. Always respect your own standards. Don’t sacrifice them for some attention.
I never check my AOL mail, and when I do I get more fascinated with their news pieces than my actual email. AOL usually has the best lists, the top 25 things we never use, or the bottom lotions and why not!!! Those are all things I enjoy. So today I’m finally checking my email (lists) and they had their annual list of things we won’t see next year. So, I am highlighting a few things from that list.
What you won’t see in ’09!
1. Traditional Polaroid Film: I didn’t know they still made this. I remember in high school I had this talking Polaroid, well my grandmother really had it, but I used to buy film and use it. Polaroid film was not cheap, but damn those cameras were huge.
2. Zima: I heard about the discontinuation of Zima a few months ago, but wow, Yeah, no Zima for you drunks out there. They really want you to drink their new Sparks Malt beverage instead. I had that crap.. it isn’t that great. What is with all the lemony-limey flavors?And, isn’t it a proven fact that its lethal to mix energy drinks and liquor (red bull & vodka)??? HHmmmm…
3. the Kinkos name: aawww, no longer will I be able to say, “Well, there’s a Kinkos down the road. I have to say, “Yeah, go use FedEx Office.” WTF boooo!!!
4. Taco Bell Volcano Taco: I actually never had this because I don’t eat beef, and sometimes when TB gets new items they don’t offer to sub chicken. However, I did think this was just a promotional item only, like the Fajita Grilled Stuft Burrito. Damn, now I want some TB, but I’m going to be a good girl.
5. Smokey Chipotle Crispy Fried Chicken @ KFC: WTF is that? I never even saw this. Was this for release only in CA or the south our something? I never even saw a commercial for this. How do you get smokey chipotle flavor to shine through the crunchy goodness of the Colonel’s Extra Crispy?
6. Lehman’s Brothers & Bear Sterns: Nothing much really needs to be said about this… except well.. no, nothing its all already been said. Blame it on the mortgages..
7. Shea Stadium: They have closed to build a new location. What will the baseball world be without Shea Stadium? I drove past it once…. it’s big.
8. AFL (Arena Football League): People watch this? Supposedly it has a die hard fan base, which caused their expenses and debts to rise. IDK, but doesn’t increased fans usually mean increased profit?
9. 25 Banks: All total this year 25 banks failed, the biggest being Washington Mutual and INDYMac.. Once again, the blame the “mortgage crisis” vs. the greedy execs. Bah Humbug!!
10. Linen’s & Things: I don’t know if many outside of Jersey are into this store, hell I barely shop there, but it does make me sad that it won’t be there for my linen needs. I am hoping to try and catch some of their “going out of business” sales for my impending move.
Those are my TOP 10.. Honorable mention in my book include
-Sharper Images stores
-Steve & Barry’s
-Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper (any missing flavor of the Doc’ isn’t good!)
-DHL in the US
-Bill Blass
Go over to AOL for the actual list because I can’t find the actual link anymore. They replaced it with ” Best Buys Right Now” See, isn’t AOL still good for something!!
Spotted this story last week, but I didn’t want to comment until a verdict had been reached. Apparently you haven’t made it until you’ve been sued by someone claiming you stole their work. The latest contestant on “Is that really yours?” was Tyler Perry. Donna West of Texas felt Perry lifted material from her play “Fantasy of a Black Woman” which was performed 3 times in 1991 in Dallas. she claims Perry could have lifted her script when he presented his plays at the Dallas Black Academy of Arts & Letters in 1998. Jurors ruled that she didn’t provide enough evidence to support her claim of copyright infringement. Perry insists that his play is an original work.
So, while I may not be a super fan of Tyler Perry and his Madea characters, I think people always want a piece of the pie. Personally, I think her claim is probably bogus. I support my view by saying, based of title alone (and we should never judge a book by its title alone, lol) they don’t sound like there could be a resemblance. Fantasy connotates a positive experience. I fantasize about my future job. Fantasies haven’t happened. Diary of a MAD black woman screams anger and frustration. She is not fantasizing about her pain, it happened or is happening. And if his play really ripped your’s off, why didn’t you start this petition before it made its way to a major motion film? Her lawsuit wasn’t filed until 2007 and the movie came out in 2005… which means the play was out since when, 2001?
And, any good copyright lawyer knows that ideas cannot be copyrighted nor can titles. Maybe, just maybe, her play had the same general idea as Perry’s. But she doesn’t own that idea. Anyone can take that idea and put th eir spin on it. That’s like saying the producers of Fresh Prince can sue Perry for House of Payne because they created the image of a well-to-do African American Family who let a relative come live with them. NO. Or Martin can sue him saying he dressed up as woman first to make people laugh. NO. Or Eddie Murphy can sue him because he played multiple characters in a film prior to him.
People need to stop being crabs in a barrel sometimes. I am all for protecting your work, and getting what is rightfully yours. But I feel this may have been invalid from what I’ve heard of it. IDK all the juicy gritty details, but who does?
It’s been a super long week and I haven’t written in forever. I can’t believe the election is in the next few days. Wow. It’s really possibly that the United States of America with all its covert racism might have a black president. Or its possible that we won’t. Either way, history has been made.
Over the past week I spent a lot of time thinking and wondered so many things. I had so many Why’s or What questions that maybe I should have wrote them down because I can’t think of any of them. But one thing I know is that I sometimes joke and say that people suck, mainly guys, but maybe I’m the one who sucks? Maybe I have extremely flawed logic (which i sometimes admit to) but is it coming to a point where I live inside my own reality so much that I don’t see things that might be looking right at me? I want to say NO, but how accurately are we really when we judge ourselves? Why is it that even when we are truly happy for someone else it just forces us to dwell on our own lack of success in similar venues? Like, if my best friend were to get a job she loved, of course I’d be extremely ecstatic for her but at the same time I’d be sad for myself for still being in a job that isn’t quite as satisfactory. I’d probably push myself to try harder for a while but eventually, who knows? I’m hoping for many things in my life to come to fruition over the next few weeks. Some more important than others, combined they’d make my life a wonderful trifecta of bliss, but who has it all? Is it wrong to have faith in a divine plan? How much should we rely on that plan or think about it when we are making choices that could affect us seriously and possibly change our lives. Change is scary.
Don’t forget to vote in my poll people. I’m not taking it down until I have a satisfactory number of votes. And right now I don’t.
I finished another fluff book, this week I’m going to start a book called, “Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters.” A very close friend bought it for me and I’m hoping its a good read. I’m trying to keep my mind preoccupied.
You know it really ticks me off when people come into my job and they want a specific person and only that person. We tell them this person is unavailable at the current moment and give them alternatives-do you want to see someone else or wait or even come back later. Now if you choose to wait, I will tell you I can’t guarantee how long you will be waiting for. Do NOT agree to wait and then pester the first person who walks past to with your problems. It will not make the situation better by bad mouthing other employees. You choose, repeat-choose to wait an undetermined amount of time. Shit happens, get over yourself.
How do things get lost you ask? Let me give you several hundred documents in one day and see if you don’t lose any of them. Why are some people short with you? Let me call you 30 times and then email you when you don’t answer and see how your customer service skills are. Better yet, let me berate you since you are serving me you must be my servant so I can talk to you like you are less than a person and see if your attitude doesn’t change. Yes, when you treat me like less of a person I check out on you, you no longer have my full attention as I do not have your full respect. You give what you get and if your a bitch to me, I will make you wait longer-as I need a cool down period so I’m not a bitch to my next customer, who may be a sweetie. Don’t be rude, just like you need to be courteous with your waiter so they don’t give you the special sauce, you should be courteous to any customer service rep, because you never know. Word travels. And no one, NO ONE likes to deal with a bitch. Male or female.
It just really irks my nerves the lack of patience that people have these days. Everyone wants to get what they want when they want it. No regard for how they are late doing what they need to do. I’m sorry, but my sympathy is limited and I have none for you if you aren’t doing what needs to be done. And this includes myself. Hell, it bothers me when people who I work with don’t keep up. I know we are busy, but dammit, people are coming in yelling at ME because YOU are behind. Ok, I’m not mad, just exasperated because it does get busy. But when people try to make their own policies inside of policies, its frustrating. Consistency is key for some things… OK.. I’m done ranting..
I’d like to first commend you for not showing us you’re camel this time. I am thoroughly impressed with your efforts to look classier and not trashier. I know it hurt. These baby steps you’re taking are wonderful. One day, hopefully soon, we can achieve the beauty and glamor that are necessary for a celebrity wife. Wait, is Ice-T a real celebrity still? Ok, sorry for the little interruption. Now, let’s proceed. I am loving your shoes. they work with this dress. Although the dress is skin tight and probably made of Lycra and spandex and came from your local Easy Pickings it is better than bright pink pants. Coupled with these WONDERFUL shoes, you look a little….trampish I must say.But not in a sleezy hotel kinda way like before. This time you’re in more of a I like my clothes too small kinda way. I will gladly take these shoes off your hands, or even settle for a duplicate pair to help assist in your complete transformation. I love the contrast in colors and the little details. They would look so great on my perfect size 8 feet. Share?
OH, who the hell am I kidding I’d kill for a body like yours. But I’d dress it soooo differently, less cleavage. When they are THAT huge, you don’t have to try so hard my dearest CoCo. They will show themselves. I am glad you covered up for this premiere, Nights in Rodanthe isn’t the kind of movie I know you’re used to watching. You’re usual outfits are more suited for Naughty Girls at Home premieres. Now Richard Gere can live to make another sappy romance movie I’ll probably never watch! Congrats!!!
P.S. don’t forget to break me off with those shoes!
So, I am quite new to this blogging thing, and as you can see I am constantly changing and updating and growing. So todays lesson was finding out the difference between wordpress.com and wordpress.org. And i can say it wasn’t quite what I thought it was and I still have many questions. I found out because I had been trying to upload a plugin. and I read all this tutorials and help sites that just kept saying, “use a plugin with wordpress” never differentiating between .com and .org. So I followed allll the steps and still had no luck. So I then go back into the available forums and frequently asked questions and find that yes, you can use plug ins with wordpress, just not the wordpress I am using. So for now I will not have the plug ins that I am interested in, and will continue to work with what I got. Because after all, “If you lack what you need, then use what you’ve got.” I am perfectly happy here on my new wordpress.com home and I’m sure if the need be I can be guided on the steps to converting my .com home to .org home and assisted with a host and all that good stuff. But as it is, I am a rookie and just learning all the ropes and i am OK with that. After all, what can I do besides throw it up and watch it turn into sunshine
Cleo Sunshine is a lover, friend, blogger, writer, journalist. I love to live life and enjoy it. I'm a Jersey girl tried & true! This blog isn't strictly news or entertainment, but its definitely opinion. Come join me & experience life under the sun w/ Cleo.
Spotted this story last week, but I didn’t want to comment until a verdict had been reached. Apparently you haven’t made it until you’ve been sued by someone claiming you stole their work. The latest contestant on “Is that really yours?” was Tyler Perry. Donna West of Texas felt Perry lifted material from her play “Fantasy of a Black Woman” which was performed 3 times in 1991 in Dallas. she claims Perry could have lifted her script when he presented his plays at the Dallas Black Academy of Arts & Letters in 1998. Jurors ruled that she didn’t provide enough evidence to support her claim of copyright infringement. Perry insists that his play is an original work.
You know it really ticks me off when people come into my job and they want a specific person and only that person. We tell them this person is unavailable at the current moment and give them alternatives-do you want to see someone else or wait or even come back later. Now if you choose to wait, I will tell you I can’t guarantee how long you will be waiting for. Do NOT agree to wait and then pester the first person who walks past to with your problems. It will not make the situation better by bad mouthing other employees. You choose, repeat-choose to wait an undetermined amount of time. Shit happens, get over yourself.
Dear Coco,
So, I am quite new to this blogging thing, and as you can see I am constantly changing and updating and growing. So todays lesson was finding out the difference between wordpress.com and wordpress.org. And i can say it wasn’t quite what I thought it was and I still have many questions. I found out because I had been trying to upload a plugin. and I read all this tutorials and help sites that just kept saying, “use a plugin with wordpress” never differentiating between .com and .org. So I followed allll the steps and still had no luck. So I then go back into the available forums and frequently asked questions and find that yes, you can use plug ins with wordpress, just not the wordpress I am using. So for now I will not have the plug ins that I am interested in, and will continue to work with what I got. Because after all, “If you lack what you need, then use what you’ve got.” I am perfectly happy here on my new wordpress.com home and I’m sure if the need be I can be guided on the steps to converting my .com home to .org home and assisted with a host and all that good stuff. But as it is, I am a rookie and just learning all the ropes and i am OK with that. After all, what can I do besides throw it up and watch it turn into sunshine 