SO.. the other day I had the brilliant idea for my future son’s name. In the past I was absolutely in love withe name Quincy or Quinton (I wanted him to be called Q and be HOT like Omar Epps in Love & Basketball LMAO). But last night I decided (unless my future husband in against it) that I want my son to be named after my uncles. I do want a junior as well, so if my husband is able to convince me to have multiples then I can use both. My uncles names are Glenn Tracy and Spencer Eric. Now of course that is four names and I wont use all four, so I’m thinking my child’s name will be Glenn Eric or Eric Glenn. I love the name Glenn, even though we call him Uncle Tracy. Growing up he had a motto, “If you swole, say you swole,” for when you had an attitude and wanted to pretend things were OK. He’s lived in Utah for the past like ten years – I know right, who lives in Utah???My uncle Eric, he has passed away. He was just a silly man, all my family calls him Eggie (because he had an egg head) and I love the relationship he had with my grandmother. He was always there to do things for her around the house when no one else was. So I told my grandmother my idea and she said, “Oh really, when you going to get started?” and I had to tell her she at LEAST 5 years to go and I need to find this future husband first. #goodtimes.
When does someone deserve a second chance? These last few days I began to think of an answer to this questions. I would think that someone would have excelled so well the first time that one would be willing to overlook a minor misstep and allow them a second chance to finish what they started? Right?
Or did you give them a second chance just because, well this was their first time messing up? But then there would be no “finals” in a sense. You know, if everyone got a second chance.
Sometimes you just have to accept that second chances should be the exception and not the rule and not everyone is entitled to one. Yes, it sounds good in theory that everyone deserves a second chance, but I meanreally? Do they? I don’t mean the proverbial, he paid his debt to society and should be released from prison and given a second chance at life type situation but a real life common situation, like a matter of the heart.. is every suitor worthy of a second chance?
So.. I reached a point where its time to break up with my phone. I will gladly admit that I’m addicted to my phone and its always within reach.. But after this weekend, I realize maybe I shouldn’t gladly admit that.
The Event:
A slip and fall in the shower that resulted in bruising of my arm and a broken towel rack. Blackberry was ringing and I wanted to see who it was. Part of this anxiousness to see who it was, was due to the fact I was hoping it was a certain gentleman caller (it was not). So not only did I still answer the phone after the slip – while hanging half out the tub- it wasn’t a fully gratifying conversation. So now, I not only have no where to hang my towels my arms are still sore. #fail . And I wasn’t home alone so there are people to bear witness to the tragedy of my clumsiness.
Moral of the story. Cut back on my blackberry obsession. Usually I don’t take it in the bathroom with me, and maybe there’s good reason.
5. Be more family oriented – I’ve been trying for the past year. I’m an only child, who’s not close to her mom, so sometimes I really just don’t care about family events and all those good things. But this year I’ve spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, went out with a cousin for her birthday, and got myself a (future) god-child. They say family is all you’ve got, so let’s see . .
So, lately I’ve been conducting a social experiment on my family. And as I began to write my findings I remember what I wrote back in late 2009 with my (NON) New years Resolutions and I figured now as the year is winding down I can reflect back on this. I feel like lately being an only child is more apparent than ever, even though I have a large family (my aunt had 11 (yes 11) children.) Growing up this was awesome and I never had time to feel like an only child, but now as an adult I feel it.
The Experiment: I began to feel like my relationship with my family was a one way street. Me being the person reaching out and doing all the efforts to make this bonding and family time happen. I decided I was going to abstain from writing on Facebook walls, @’ing them on twitter ( i almost said i was going to de-friend them) and see how long before it gets noticed. Nor was I going to attend any showers, birthday parties that I was invited to because, well that’s the only time I hear from them, or if something else is needed.
Results: No contact until someone invited me to a kids birthday party. They invited me Tuesday for a party this Saturday -_-. I respectfully declined.
Now some will argue that that’s no way to treat family and you have to be there for them even if you don’t talk often. And yes, that is true. But at what point do you give that a rest. There have been countless (as in too many to count) instances where family will screw you over quicker than a friend, or an enemy. Not all family is FAMILY. When I’m having a bad day at work, I don’t call my “family.” Family is frankly, slightly overrated at times, at least in my situation.
How often do I reach out to them you ask? Well, I’ve been to like every kids party (that I was invited to) and baby shower in the past 2-3 years. And that’s a lot. My family has about 10 kids between the ages of 1-10 at this current moment.
** Note, I’m not talking about my extended family here, you know great aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws. This is a mere experiment with my immediate family which for me includes aunts, 1st cousins, etc.,) **
Today I was reminded of just how much I enjoy my own company. I spend a lot of time with friends (and lovers) and just running about that I don’t get a lot of ME time. Some days I get home from work with just enough time to get ready for work the next day. But today I spent the whole day, alone. I slept until about 1pm (the result of coming home at 5:00 am from a night in NYC) and then I caught up on all the TV I’d been missing (I really dig this new cbs show with Jerry O’Connell and the guy from According to Jim) and I just was. I sat around in my sweatpants, ate leftover diner food, a pb&j and a lean cuisine and drank lots of water. I bbm’ed and aim’ed a few people, but ultimately I was able to be with ME. I missed ME. I just missed the ability to think about any and everything or nothing at all.
That’s the best thing about being alone and living alone that I miss, the ability to really enjoy my own company. Sometimes when you have someone around (roommate) you tend to just ramble your thoughts and days events to them versus thinking them over and marinating with them. I enjoy it. I didn’t always enjoy me time. There was a point in time that I always wanted to be around friends and I’ll call up a friend to go to a drive thru with me or to run tedious errangs with me. I think back on that time and maybe it was my youthful naivete or maybe I just wasn’t comfortable with myself yet. I remember the first time I went an ate at a diner alone, not takeout, it was news. Not only did I sit alone and eat i wasn’t on my cellphone the whole time. Magnificent! Maybe I got the idea from watching SATC, seeing Carrie able to be in her own company sometimes. just her and a stack of Vogue magazines on a saturday afternoon. Whatever it is, I enjoy it!
To quote the great Aristotle ” Happiness depends upon ourselves” – taken from my storage of quotes in the wonderful Blackberry!
<3 someone shared with me .. and I believe that Sharing is Caring! I think it’s sweet and it testifies to something I’ve told one of my homegirls … EVERYONE has a past. You either want to accept it and move on.. or you don’t. You can’t judge them for it or hold it against them.
I put this on my other site as well, but I just had to double dip because well .. this is how I felt today … I just kinda wanted to re-read this poem. I guess just an ode to awesomeness. Yup .. and that means you’re awesome too!
Phenomenal Woman – Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That’s me.
This is something I typed on my BlackBerry and emailed to myself. I do write, it just sometimes gets lost in the sauce of things in my email. I’m trying to set it up where I can just email in a post, because the WordPress for Blackberry app wasn’t doing it for me … anywho ..
There are people in the world who like to try to tap holes into your wall of security so that they may prey on those newly formed insecurity pockets… I kid you not. Now, this can be in work, relationships or even friendships. For example… I’m pretty happy in general with my life, its not perfect nor is it problem free, but I happen to love it, flaws and all.
Enter old-flame. (If you want to even call it that)
And you share with this old flame that you’ve moved on. Are happy with your current situation. They begin to say, ‘how do you know you can trust him?’ ‘How long have we known each other?’ All these things to try and make you second guess your decisions. Or you have the co-worker from a different department who likes to talk smack about your department and your boss. To make you question who you should be reporting to (or making allegiences with).
People enjoy creating messes in others lives no matter how unintentionally. And sometimes we fall victim to it. I refuse. Call me naïve, call me dense, call me stupid. I’m perfectly happy living my life without the B.S.
Does this mean I’m ignorant to what’s out there? No.. I know that bad things and people lurk behind every corner, some devils come in sheep skin. Its just easier to awknowledge it and move on vs dwelling on it.
Someone had on their facebook status about how to tell if someone is really a friend. It said to share good news with them and watch their immediate reaction. True story, a real friend is gonna be happy for you no matter what their situation. Trust me. And the vultures will seek their opportunity to make you feel bad or guilty. Family included.
There are some people I follow on Twitter for their quotes. Every morning @Kay4NJ drops jewels that either make it to facebook statuses or saved in my Blackberry for later use … She rocks. The people she retweet (s) rock … And of course the originators of the quotes rock as well.
*sigh* This song has been on my mind for a few days now. FEAR. How many people are ready and willing to admit what they fear?And I’m not talking, fear of heights and spiders. I’m talking when was the last time you thought about the fears Jazz Sull is talking about (by the way, when is her next album coming out??)
I recently acqiured a composition notebook and labeled it ‘The Book of Truths … or my version of it’
My first entry was about fear. Fear of letting go. I can be pretty lackadaisical about many things in life, and I am for the most part .. but I’m very guarded. I fear letting that guard down. Many people think they know me because I share trivial stories about my day to day life (which can be pretty entertaining and amusing in my own small sort of way) but not many know about the nuts and bolts of Cleo.. and I’m scared of that. Being vulnerable is one of the hardest positions to put yourself in. At least to me. So the next entry .. while on a totally different topic tackled fear of a whole different nature. It’s amazing how many of life’s problems can be attributed to fear. When was the last time you asked yourself, what am I scared of? Is it possible to be scared of success and greatness? Fear doesn’t always hold you back, it sometimes catches you when you least expect it. Fear prevents you from letting go of long time friends and habits. Fear can prevent you from taking a detour in life that may show you a better route. Fear can cause you to constantly compare yourself to others. They aren’t scaring you, you’re scaring yourself.
I vow to tackle my fears (slowly) one by one. I feel like we’re constantly calling ourselves ‘A work in Progress’. When have you met someone who said I love me, allll of me flaws and all? Well, I love who I am. Who I’ve become. I’m not a work in progress. I am progress.
One day I awake to a text instructing me to look up Pegging. Now, being the curious journalist that I am, of course this is the first thing I did when I finally climbed out of bed. Google had many different links and after finding a forum and reading the handy urban dictionary I texted back:
” so.. Um.. Let me get this right, pegging is a woman doing a man with a strap on. ”
O_o.
I was completely not expecting that. And I wanted to tread lightly because this text came from someone I like. I didn’t want to offend him if this was something he was into (which he is NOT! *whew*). I guess we learn something new everyday, and the world of sex is constantly changing as people become more sex obsessed at younger ages. Maybe I’m boring because I’m not into group sex and other variations of sex that exist these days… When I hear of things like this so many questions come to my mind
For instance:
1. How do you introduce this into a completely hetero sexual relationship?
2. How does a man determine he potentially might like this? Or does a woman happen to think, ‘hhmm.. I wanna ass rape my husband. I wonder how he might like it..’
3. Does this mean that the guy might potentially have homosexual tendencies? And how does this go with what people say about men actually liking a little anal stimulation?
seee.. I could just go on and on and I’m not joking…I’m really trying to get a feel for how this comes to fruition.
On the forum I discovered there was a girl interested in trying it on her present lover. I immediately got a flashback to the episode of Sex in the City where Charlotte proclaims ” I don’t want to be Mrs. UptheButt.. No one marries the up the butt girl” ..
Now forever this man is going to be Mr. UptheButt ..
Hhmmm..
I didn’t post a pic because they were too explicit and I, of course, am very PG. I am here to inform, not corrupt the babies. Gotta love the babies!
I said this to my friend as we discount shoe shopped today. She was looking at a pair of shoes and said something of the sort, these are so cute and fun but I have no where to wear them to… I told Dubb my quote and she likes & believes in it. It’s true. You ever have a pair of shoes you HAVE to find the perfect place to go out and wear them? You search for any reason to wear them. OH no, thats just me .. ooops
Dope. Crazy. Perfectly Imperfect. I'm not the best writer and probably not the worst either, but I am happy while doing it. Stick with me and you'll never be bored! I mean, maybe you won't and maybe you will....
#fail . And I wasn’t home alone so there are people to bear witness to the tragedy of my clumsiness.
