March 2, 2010
Today’s long-awaited (haha) Spreading Sunshine is dedicated to dating! Why all the dating posts? Because some of the stuff that I’ve encountered as a newly single twenty-something has me confused. And apparently I’m not alone. Me and my homegirl TB were just gchatting away about guys (and maybe this is just NJ guys) and their lack of dating etiquette. TB made a good point that its time to get back to basics. People somehow think that dating is either an exclusive relationship or a Friends with benefit relationship. NO!! Dating is dating. Going out and having a good time, not chilling in the house! And it doesn’t necessarily include hooking up! A girl doesn’t want to have to explain this. All we girls want is to go out, laugh, and have a good time. We can do fun (FREE) stuff. NOt every date has to be an all-star event. But that’s not to say we don’t want to get dressed up and cute. I have been DYING to wear this cute outfit I have in my closet. It’s a PERFECT date outfit. But unfortunately, no luck yet. Is it asking too much to have a guy give me a reason to get all dressed up? It would be nice for him to call me, YES CALL, me and say “get dressed I’m picking you up” and then we have a night on the town. I miss those days. And I shouldn’t miss them, I’m barely 25 for Christs Sake!!
Here are the links for this topic:
Don’t Text Me No Mo’!! UGH. It’s called communication people. We’re not tweens who are in class all day. Call Me. Plain and Simple. You can get to know me a lot quicker and better by dialing me up.
Why are you still single? The Married guy is breaking down what should be done with your time in singledom. I agree with some and not others. I do think you need to learn how to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Saying that volunteering is going to lead to a successful relationship… not totally seeing that correlation.
18 Things not to do .. This is for when you finally have a guy who does ALL the dating steps right and you decide to invite him over for some ‘Wham Bam’ he needs to heed these tidbits of advice. Dear Sirs, if you’re reading. Please pay close attention to #s: 4, 7, 8, 10 and 17. ESPECCIIAALLLY 17.
#IMJUSTSAYING
Article that’s good for reading about Enjoying Dating (thanks to TB!!!) From Essence, titled: Stop Stressing Marriage and Enjoy Dating (or something like that)
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: comedy, dating, fashion, random, relationships | 2 Comments »
February 23, 2010
Sexual Anorexia? Sexerexia? This is a new medical condition apparently that can be defined “an obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one’s life. Hmmm… Really? Thats odd, because the people who aren’t having sex usually want to have sex and the people having sex (or at least the ones I know) want MORE sex! But you have some people who are withholding it willingly? Hmmm..
I always thought using sex to control a relationship never worked? In the article it says that “Like self-starvation with food or compulsive dieting or hoarding with money, deprivation with sex can make one feel powerful and defended against all hurts.” Hmmm… In my mind, lack of sex makes one cranky and a downright bitch (this term does apply for men as well). Could that be all those control issues coming out? Having sex is like a way to cope with stress and problems. It’s like while your in the middle of some good sex nothing else exists, but you and the person and the moment. So, can you imagine using NO sex as a way to cope with stress and life difficulties? Um, NO. Sex is therapy. Yes, Robin Thicke had it right. Give me sex therapy!
How does one go about treating sexual anorexia? Do you suddently decide you’ve had enough of the drought and just go and bang the next person you see? How do you formulate healthy relationships without sex? I’m sorry, but you can’t have a serious adult relationship without sex at some point. You just can’t. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it.
Source
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: curiousity, entertainment, learning, medical, relationships | 1 Comment »
February 4, 2010
Me and my BFF had a great conversation last night about dating issues. We talked about how dating was so much easier when you’re younger (let’s say around 19) than when your slightly older. And its true, a few years make a huge difference.
One example we said was that when your 19 you kinda have (for lack of a better term) low standards. You meet a guy and find out he lives at home in his mom’s basement. You’re cool with that, because chances are that at 19 you don’t have your own place. You don’t care too much if he has a car, because you may or may not have one. You might be OK with date that included “hanging out in my basement and watching movies.” Fast Forward to 25. If you meet a guy who says “Yeah, I live in my mom’s basement.” You might have some questions as to why.
Some people have valid reasons for living home. I know that I’ve encouraged some of my friends who have been considering moving home to do so. Hell, if I could move back home and save some money, I would. But if you meet this possible date and they say they still live at home, always lived at home, their mama takes care of them, and they have no ambition. That might pose a problem. You need all the evidence before you judge. It is wrong to write someone off as soon as you hear “home.”
At 19 you may have been more willing to communicate with someone via text. You may have been more willing to invite people over to your house. When I was 19 and in college, it was perfectly fine to meet someone, invite them over to the dorm and we hang out. Either in the communal area with my floor mates or in the room with my roommate. Now, I don’t think its acceptable to invite someone over to your house all willy-nilly. Guys, (not all just some that I have come across) seem to think that if I’m inviting you over to my house we are going to partake in some hanky-panky. No, not gonna happen. At least not with me.
Another thing that is different as you get older is how you communicate. When I was 19 I never left voice mail if I called you. I mean, even sometimes now I don’t leave one, but IF I perhaps do leave you a voice mail and you return my phone call via text. FAIL!! I will not call you again until my phone call is returned. If this is early on in our ‘courtship’ I might never call again.
True Story: I met this guy. He seemed fairly nice enough and I was in a rush, and I didn’t really know if I wanted to talk to him. So I took his number. So like a day later I decided to call. I called and left a voice mail. The next day I received a text from this person, and not just a regular text – sprint picture mail. FAIL!! SUPERFAIL!! I don’t need you sending me an old ass photo of your self saying “good Morning” all you had to do was return my call. In case you need to know. I never called back. He never returned my call and he presented himself as a lame-o . LOL
What is wrong with some of these new dating ‘rules’? I am not willing to give up faith. Someone out there knows how to do it right. I know they do.
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: entertainment, random, relationships | 3 Comments »
November 10, 2009
Having an affair = Check
Using your work email to conduct it = Check
Forwarding lust filled emails to the whole school = check!
Wow!! Not only did you have an affair with a coworker, now EVERYONE knows about it. Super Smart! But quite hilarious for me!
I was on dlisted when I found this, but it was originally posted on Guest of a Guest. I’m not gonna post their pics, because I feel slightly bad about doing that, but GG has it!
I’ll post a snippet, but you gotta go there for the FULL email!
I don’t think I’ll survive!!! 
From: Lisa
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:23 PM
To: John
Subject: RE:
I see me sitting in your lap straddling, really.facing you with my legs draped over your restrained arms and then wrapped around you and your chair holding you in place you’re pinned and unable to move. I’m leaning back ever so slightly with my hands braced on your desk, helping me to grind my pussy against you.
From: John
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:21 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: RE:
OH DEAR GOD HELP ME!!!
You are pushing buttons that are getting me WAY TOO FUCKING HORNY for being stuck at work!!!
And just WHAT am I supposed to do now??? I can practically FEEL your torturous little fingernails flitting across my stomach, and they’re making me ACHE with the desire for RELEASE!!!
John X & Lisa
Oh & Cornell has also issued a follow up, which states:
Date: November 7, 2009 12:53:52 AM GMT+01:00
To: ~~EVERYBODY >
Subject: Note to Community regarding inappropriate email
To the Johnson School Community,
Some of you received an inappropriate email this afternoon that was accidentally sent to one of our listserves. On behalf of the School, I would like to apologize for this error and ask you to discard this email.
Some of you may be understandably upset about the content of the email and the context in which it was sent. If you need to talk to someone, please don’t hesitate to contact (redacted)
Sincerely,
(Redacted)
Human Resources Manager
The Johnson School at Cornell University
—-
Just Wow!
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex, entertainment | Tags: entertainment, hot, relationships | 1 Comment »
May 5, 2009
Their is the timeless argument about men, women, and who pays for the date. Many women, myself included, feel a man should pay. Some men feel that women should pay. Especially in this age of Ms. Independent. Now, I work hard and I don’t really care who knows it, but I’m not one of those women who boasts about how she has her own. In fact, every time I heard that song by Jamie Foxx, Fabolous, & Ne-yo I’d cringe when he said “she takes pride knowing she paid for it.” Not that its a stupid bad thing but not everyone enjoys that. Personally I’m happier when I’m using something that was a gift, it makes me feel like someone loved me enough to buy me something they knew I’d enjoy, like my Keurig coffee maker. Or a piece of jewelry. It loses its luster knowing I bought it for myself (and probably the reason I don’t buy myself jewelry). Every time I use it I think of the person who bought it for me and it brings a smile to my face. I never got the girl who always had to boast about what she did for herself, NEWSFLASH: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TREAT YOURSELF GOOD! You don’t get a reward for doing what your supposed to do. You’re supposed to keep a roof over your head and clothes on your back, its essential to life.
OK, back to the topic at hand: Dating in the new world. Guys are starting to feel that women are equal to them in terms of money and etc., so they should be paying. And I can’t blame them for feeling that way when people are screaming it down their necks. I was listening to The Ed Lover Morning Show the other day and a listener called to ask about this same thing. She asked why do guys want you to put out after they paid for a few dates or something along those lines. And Ed simply broke it to her: In dating, just like anything else in life, people want a return on investment. If you are NOT Interested in this man beyond the friend zone, let him know so he can go get a return on his investment somewhere else. And I can’t say that I disagree. I mean, when your just getting to know a guy, sure its fine to let him pay, but once you make that decision that you don’t want to take it to the next level with him, its not fair to expect him to keep buying you dinners and even gifts, especially in this recession. It’s just selfish. I remember there was one time I wanted to go out. I was sitting at home bored really craving some T.G.I.Fridays. I also happened to be a little strapped for cash. So I didn’t want to call up a guy and invite him out because if you invite someone out, you have to be prepared to a) go dutch or b) pay for the outing yourself. So I had to ignore my Friday’s cravings that night. Do I think it would have been a problem finding someone to pay? Probably not, but its just not proper etiquette in my opinion. But every girl likes to feel wanted by a man, and they like to know they have someone who will do it for them.
Its pretty girl syndrome. Everyone knows a girl like this. Pretty girl syndrome sufferers are chronically late, they almost always have a guy on stash (even if they have a boyfriend) who is willing to give them money or take them places or get things fixed whom they’ve never had sex with. These people are simple enamored by their beauty and love to be in their presence. The pretty girl knows this and takes full advantage of it.
My suggestion? Hell, I don’t think I have one. OK, I’m lying. I’m all about being courted and I won’t take a guy seriously unless he courts me. That means paying for dates, opening doors, and being a gentelman. Now, I’m not saying you even need to spend a lot of money. I enjoy bowling nights, happy hour drink specials, buying dinner and I’ll cook it. Now, being that you’re courting me I should act accordingly. I won’t snap at you in public nor will I gawk at other males in your presence. I will listen to your ramble on about yourself. I think girls need to cut all this bullcrap about trying to be “equal” and having “sex like a man” with no attachments because its just stupid! Stupid I tell you! It’s not as easy as it appears and most of the guys who are out there sleeping around are searching for something they just haven’t found yet! I definitely don’t want someone to expect me to pay for dates, or even ask them out. Just stop it ladies.. don’t make it bad for girls like me 
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: entertainment, rambling, random, rants, relationships | 4 Comments »
April 20, 2009
The Dating scene is just really shitty bad these days (or so I’ve heard). I think I’m a pretty cool date, I don’t really expect a guy to drop crazy bucks on me during an encounter, because let’s face it, this investment might not work out in your favor. Also, guys are even more unwilling to spend money these days because of the “recession.” But there are some cardinal dating sins that should be avoided and you can’t even blame them on the recession because there are plenty recession proof good dates out there. I expect hope for a good time when we go out, especially if you’ve been trying to persuade me to go out with you for a few weeks. this should be your chance to show me why I shouldn’t have waited so long. So these are some things you shouldn’t do on a date.. and if you don’t already know these things please take note.
- Please be on time. If I’m a girl and I’m pressed for time (which means I’m running late) and I still make it there before you, that is a problem. I never like to be anywhere before the person I’m meeting. I guess I like to make an entrance.
- Friends. Some dates are group dates. Before you bring your friends around someone you’re trying to impress please do a thorough screening. Please make sure all friends dress appropriately.
- Projects + Date = Disaster. Sometimes for a date you want to invite someone over for dinner. You cook a meal, they bring the wine, or whatever, and you chill. This should preferably happen at your house, not that of your friends who live in the projects with 2 big ass dogs and their mama sleep in the back room. If you or your friends live in the projects, don’t bring a girl there. Now I’m not discriminating on the projects, they serve their purpose in that they give people “affordable” housing. But they do NOT make a suitable place for dates under any circumstances.
- Please ensure safe transportation of your date back to their destination. If they drove separately, walk them to their car and make sure they call you when they get home if its late or they’ve had a drink (or 3). If they came to you in NYC please make sure they get to the subway/train station because odds are they aren’t from NY and don’t know where the hell they are..
I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I entered the dating world. I miss the days where spending quality time together was at the school cafeteria, and he bought you a snapple so you didn’t have to drink the warm chocolate milk. Or even when he came to your dorm room and you guys hung out downloading music just to hear songs you both never heard. How did it get to the state it is now? There really is no warning for this, you really do have to feel your way around. Does anyone else have any ingredients that make a bad day? Please share! (I know I might be back with more later!)
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March 10, 2009
Oprah. The Big O. She’s a role model to many and an inspiration to others. Oprah has so much media power that its unbelievable, but does she always use it the way she should? I have not commented, nor will I now, on the Rihanna & Chris Brown situation. But Oprah has decided to speak out for Rihanna & will dedicate a show this week to domestic violence. This is the same Oprah who had R.Kelly at the Chicago premier of The Color Purple.
This is my gripe. So many radio stations, VJays, DJ’s and others are blasting Chris Brown. They are taking down his music, ripping his endorsements, and pretty much all around bashing him. There was not this kind of lashing out with R. Kelly from the media. And in my opinion (which for some may not be anything) what Kelly did was so much worse than Chris Brown. I mean, he was caught on tape, with an underage girl, pissing on her. It then came out that he paid money to a witness, but yet the community still embraces him. After R. Kelly’s accusations he was nominated for a damn NAACP Image Award!
I don’t watch Oprah for the most part because her I’m not her shows target demographic, but I do know she isn’t kind to the “urban” hip-hop male. And its such a shame, because there are some good dudes out there, and hip hop culture is now POP culture. What message are you sending to young teenagers if you make it seem OK to frolic with rapists? Should you speak out against Domestic Violence? YES. Should you also speak out against pedophilia, HELL YES. Almost everything out there in the news regarding Chris Brown & Rihanna is speculation and her side. He has not spoken up, and even if he does it won’t change public opinion because whenever a man hits a woman he’s automatically a deviant. Should it change things, possibly. But Oprah, as a journalist and media maven, should have waited for ALL the facts before addressing Rihanna and “all the Rihannas of the world.” Chris Brown is in court less than a month after the incident, but Kelly’s trial was ongoing since 2002???? I can’t be the only person out there who sees this as a problem. I just don’t believe it
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: news, relationships, violence | No Comments »
March 9, 2009
So I don’t normally do relationship blogs, but I feel the need to talk about something. I guess because I’m experiencing it in my life a little, and this is what this blog is for. So today we are going to talk about a guy type, Mr. Too Much Too Soon or Mr. Eager, but really there are many names for this type of guy. This type of guy is really annoying when you don’t share the same times of feelings that he’s feeling, which is usually how all problems arise. But back to topic.
Mr. Eager Beaver, this is the guy whom you just met. You have spoke maybe 2 times and hung out together once. You are thinking to yourself “Well OK, he’s cool. We are getting to know each other.” But after these few interactions all he can talk about his how much he likes you and wants to make you his girl. For me, this is slightly creepy because I usually feel that we don’t know each other that well. And it’s a huge turn off. I’m very guarded and I have to feel you out, I have yet to meet someone and feel this instant kismet. Secondly, I feel that things like this don’t have to be said. If you met me, and you really like the conversation and the vibe that is being given then you make it so we spend more time together. Then it would naturally progress to being a whirlwind romance. But by you constantly talking about it, I’m weirded out. The worse (and this happened) a guy who is like yeah my family will love you. WTF!
Can anyone remember the scene in Waiting to Exhale where Robin (Lela Rochon) was arguing with Troy (Mykelti Williamson) from the balcony. And she asks what have I done in 3 weeks to warrant me meeting your mama? That’s how I feel. Now for some, this whirlwind romance can be a wonderful thing. And it has led to many wonderful romances, but there has to be a degree of mutual chemistry. Because just like with anything else, its only annoying if YOUR not interested.
So how do you deal with Mr. Eager Beaver? Normally, I’d just put him on ignore and wait until he got the point. But I’ve come to realize that doesn’t always work. And its better to be mature and up front about it. I recommend sitting down and clarifying the standing of the “relationship.” Making sure you both are on the same page. And outlining any things that need to be said to make it so that you stay on the same page. For instance, if he feels that you calling him 2x a week means you want something more. YOu need to be able to say OK, I understand that and make an effort not to call him more than 2x a week unless you want to give off that vibe. Do whatever you need to do, even if it means cutting off what could be a seemingly nice guy, because most of the time they don’t get it. And then you have a potential problem on your hands.
On the flip side, you have girls that enjoy this kind of attention. So let these guys go back out there and find them. Know what you want and how to avoid settling. This is something that I’m still working on. Always respect your own standards. Don’t sacrifice them for some attention.
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January 16, 2009
I’ve mentioned BlogXilla here before because the guy who writes that is pretty dope with his content and stuff. With my move and everything I haven’t had time to read regularly, so I’m catching up on stuff today and read his 4 chicks you will meet on myspace. I think they were pretty general, but very on point. It made me think of what type of chick am I? Which Myspace stereotype do I fall into.
First let’s outline the 4 he describes:
1. The One-line Chick: Definitely not me. In fact I hate when guys like this hit me up. why did YOU hit ME up if you don’t have nothing to say?
2. The Designer Fashion Chick: Definitely not me… Well except for the use of alliteration, I love alliteration but I try not to use it in a materialistic way. I like to combine alliteration with personification to think of creative myspace names.. lol. And I do NOT type in caps unless I feel the need to express strong emotion! LOL
3. The Cool Chick: Now this is me (or at least what I think is me) I’m pretty cool & down to earth and I love to post my favorite songs no matter how unpopular they may be. And just because I think I’m pretty awesome…
4. The Single Mother: very broad category. She can be cool as hell or total gold digging psycho!!
I like his general categories, but he doesn’t speak much about them inter-mixing (hahaha is that a word?? oh well I’m keeping it). For instance its very highly possible that a #4 can be a #1. And you can have a label obsessed seemingly cool chick. She is just more discreet. All these types are very real, I know I get so sick of seeing “MS. She got her own” or “America’s Next Top Model” So… biting… I I think we should have the type of guy you meet off myspace..
Guy you will meet on myspace:
1. The man who wants to hit it. All men consider women they meet on myspace jump-offs. Do not expect a relationship to develop from a man you meet off myspace, especially if several women are commenting on his page calling him “baby”, “boo”, “babe” or any other term of endearment. These men have no scrupples. They want you to call them after they send you a first message saying “Whats Up?” Now, there are rare instances of other situations. But please tread carefully ladies! LOL
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: entertainment, hot, random, relationships | 2 Comments »
November 19, 2008
I had to post this blog article from BlogXilla (yes, I am happy to have a new website to frequent, so deal with it!). It really does sum up how I’ve felt about this subject. Me and a friend were talking about this recently, and it’s refreshing to hear it from a guys P.O.V. It’s about how every woman.. especially us black girls I’ve noticed… loves to boast about how “good” her goodies are. His post gets two thumbs up!
Personally, I feel that modesty is a good thing. I would not be interested in having sex with a guy who brags about how good his loving is, so I think its probably the same with guys. The girls who boast how good their va-jay-jay is are probably the ones who just lay there and expect them to do all the work…maybe..
So check it out here: The Biggest Lie Told by Women
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: hot, random, relationships, sex | No Comments »