Did you know that you inherently speak three different languages? Yes, its true. Or at least I do. My head speaks English. And it understands cause and affect among other rational thoughts. My heart speaks spanish. It’s confusing. If you don’t use it, you kinda forget it. It has all these verbs that need conjugating. And my vagina speaks English. But not traditional English like my head. It’s more of how Audrey II , the plant from Little Shop of Horrors speaks English. Without really knowing consequences or about feelings. Got it? Ok Good…
Why am I talking about this? Honestly? I have no idea, the thought just came to me. But I think its valid given my current situation. I feel like when I’m impatient (or really horny) I have 3 different people speaking to me. My head is of course the rational one, at times. My head reinforces the idea of not settling and being cautious. It wants to rationalize all my actions and determine how they fit in the bigger picture.
The heart speaks spanish, the language of love. Which of course is perfect. The language that if you don’t use it, you lose it. Practice makes perfect and my heart has a desire to practice. Starting from within. But lately, it’s been craving someone else to speak the language to. My heart is saying who cares about the bigger picture, indulge me. I need to practice counting to 100. Or at least 50. Mi cabeza no tiene que.
Be patient young heart. Run free (Candi Staton reference)
And my vagina. Oh my impatient vag. It’s safe to say that I’m super horny, and my horniness has no use for courting, dating, love and patience. It wants to get laid and it wants to get laid now. What does love have to do with the orgasm or the act of sex? It shouts FEED ME just like Audrey II! She screams a little louder after a few sips of wine, hoping that the head and heart have dropped their guard. No matter what anyone tells you, there isn’t enough masturbation to replace the real thing.
But really, what is sex without emotions. I’m a firm believer that women cannot really separate sex from emotions. As much as I’m hopeful about finding love, if I’m really honest with myself (and you) I’m really scared of being vulnerable. It’s hard to open up, truly open up to the idea of having someone emotionally involved again.. While the idea of being in love and giddy is appealing, I have no idea how to get there. Like does the princess really have to kiss frogs before finding her prince? WHY? Where is the Love and LIfe for Dummies book when you need it?
This has been a topic of discussion for awhile that has been brought back to life by a blog I read.
Is it OK to call a man Daddy?
The author of the blog (a man who has said some pretty shitty stuff about women on his blog and twitter, but that’s another day) writes, “Being called Daddy by a woman is the ultimate form of flattery and respect in a relationship. Just as the term you ain’t my daddy one of the worst things a man can hear in his relationship.” First off, can I say that every time I read a line like ” Hey daddy, can I get you something” I do it with a high pitched hoodrat voice. don’t ask. Don’t tell. Anywho..
Now, I cannot say I agree with this quote because for me, that’s NOT the ultimate form of flattery. I’ve never given much thought to forms of flattery but when I have daddy hasn’t come up. I have listened to songs by Teedra Moses (whom I love) where she says “oohh KatDaddy” and I think aaww I wanna say that .. but it just never has happened for me. Does it creep me out, no .. but I can’t say I’m looking for an opportunity to call a man daddy. It’s not because “I have a DAD and you ain’t him”. And I’d never say in an argument, “You ain’t my daddy” because ain’t isn’t a word and the bigger reason is that’s a relationship where one person is trying to control the other person and I probably would avoid that relationship. But does daddy make a man go crazy during sex? Is this something I’d have to try? IDK .. daddy just doesn’t roll off my tongue…
And I might be weirded out by a guy who insists on being called Daddy .. creepy.
One day I awake to a text instructing me to look up Pegging. Now, being the curious journalist that I am, of course this is the first thing I did when I finally climbed out of bed. Google had many different links and after finding a forum and reading the handy urban dictionary I texted back:
” so.. Um.. Let me get this right, pegging is a woman doing a man with a strap on. ”
O_o.
I was completely not expecting that. And I wanted to tread lightly because this text came from someone I like. I didn’t want to offend him if this was something he was into (which he is NOT! *whew*). I guess we learn something new everyday, and the world of sex is constantly changing as people become more sex obsessed at younger ages. Maybe I’m boring because I’m not into group sex and other variations of sex that exist these days… When I hear of things like this so many questions come to my mind
For instance:
1. How do you introduce this into a completely hetero sexual relationship?
2. How does a man determine he potentially might like this? Or does a woman happen to think, ‘hhmm.. I wanna ass rape my husband. I wonder how he might like it..’
3. Does this mean that the guy might potentially have homosexual tendencies? And how does this go with what people say about men actually liking a little anal stimulation?
seee.. I could just go on and on and I’m not joking…I’m really trying to get a feel for how this comes to fruition.
On the forum I discovered there was a girl interested in trying it on her present lover. I immediately got a flashback to the episode of Sex in the City where Charlotte proclaims ” I don’t want to be Mrs. UptheButt.. No one marries the up the butt girl” ..
Now forever this man is going to be Mr. UptheButt ..
Hhmmm..
I didn’t post a pic because they were too explicit and I, of course, am very PG. I am here to inform, not corrupt the babies. Gotta love the babies!
i.) Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are all neighbors. . . And Cupid is the devil!!!
Good morrow to you good folks of cyber-space. The Man in the Moon is back with some food for thought. Did you bring the juice? You cheap b&st&rd. Go make some Kool-Aid. Red.
While going through my daily internet probing (blogs, emails, FB, etc.), I came across this article on Yahoo! News (link).
Summary: Wisconson “D.A. Scott Southworth last month sent a letter to area school districts warning that health teachers who tell students how to put on a condom or take birth-control pills could face criminal charges. The warning has left many teachers, school administrators and parents flabbergasted.”
I love that word – Flabbergasted. It’s like the ideal word for befuddled.
Does anyone else see the fundamental flaws with keeping the sex out of sex-education? (other than the obvious)
Absinance only sex-ed means the children will never learn about sex. And how do you expect little Jimmy to carry on the family legacy? Unless you know a stork that I’ve never met. . . .
What I’ve learned about the education system in this country is that K-12 is a general education in which you learn most of the things you will need to be an asset and not a burden to society. They include math, a basic understanding of science, and how to talk good and read some things good, too. So if this stage of education is responsible for the fundamentals, isn’t sex one of these things? Shouldn’t pre-collegiate education include the basic explanation of reproduction?
I mean when the hell else are they supposed to learn about sex? Not in college. . . well, not sober in college anyway . . . .
Oh yeah, from television and Skin-e-max. Wait, you don’t want them to watch that?
What about Twilight books? No? Fair enough.
So when are you going to have the conversation with them? You’re going to avoid it as long as possible? Now that’s responsible parenting. . . .
“Dear parents, you can’t shield your children from reality forever. At some point they’ll have to meet me and the longer you wait to introduce them to me, the worse off they will be. Truly yours, Reality”
Children can handle information if you give it to them and trust that they will ask you questions if they are uncertain. And know that if you don’t teach them, someone else will. Not someone responsible like a teacher, but their friends older sibling who knows as much as your kid, but is an icon in their pre-pubescent eyes. Or even worse, their “internet friend”, you know, the one that they are going to meet up with behind your back because they have so much in common. . . . .
And for my main point, weren’t these politicians children at some point? How did they learn about these things? Maybe not from school, but the curiosity would not have been nearly as strong as it is today. Sex is EVERYWHERE. Have you watched a Disney movie lately? You can’t shield your children from these things without locking them in a blank room with no input other than your voice and a few episodes of WonderPets on carefully filtered DVD’s.
They think old. They seem not to realize that society has changed drastically from just 20 years ago (1990, yeah, don’t you feel old. . . ). Information is at your fingertips through every medium. I mean, I knew McNabb got traded before Jason Campbell. They’re going to learn about these things eventually and the more taboo a subject is, the more they’re going to want to do it.
Destroy the mystery of sex for kids, have the conversation, and watch how much more responsible they’ll be.
So CleoSunshine readers, what do you think? Let your love come down. . . .
Meet Roxxxy, she’s more than just a blow up doll, she is a “robot girlfriend” *side eye*
Have you seen Lars & the Real Girl, starring Ryan Gosling? I suggest you go watch that movie, then come back and read about Roxxxy- a sex robot that will carry on simple conversations with you. And you can choice from different personalities like Frigid & Wild Wendy. WOW! I”m sorry, please just kill me if I get that desperate.
OH, and you will definitely pay for this experience: $7,000-9,000 <<WWAHHHAATTTT!!
Girl crush to the Nth degree. Eva Mendes has always been dope to me. I watched We Own the Night this weekend and she was in there, and I had to give her props yet again because unlike other Spanish actresses *ahem jennifer lopez* she doesn’t ignore her ethnicity in her characters *ahem Jessica Alba* She played the fiesty Puerto Rican girlfriend of the main character and she was smoking HOT! And then these pics of her Calvin Klein ad hit the net today.
HHOOOTTTT
Calvin Klein doesn’t make bras that fit my hooters, but his ads are always provocative and sexy. They make me wish I could afford overpriced too small bras. LOL
Happy Friday Lovers!! The weekend is here and the sun showed its face in Jersey today. Let’s hope she makes herself at home, because my tan is already fading! Let’s all send a shout out to the Jersey sun in hopes that it stays! LOL
RECESS!! FOR ADULTS?: LOVE IT!! I mean seriously! You should check it out. It’s only a few dates in NYC so get it while its HOT!
Summer Eating: I love BBQs-I love to throw them & go to them.. take heed people!!! The Very Smart Brothas are telling you the Do’s & Don’ts of BBQ etiquette (sidebar: I really do love this blog, quickly becoming a FAV!)
Having trouble with your oral: I have a suggestion! Blowguard! LOL I saw this @ the sex expo last year and had no interest in it. I know how to control my teeth, do you?
I have been slacking on spreading sunshine lately, both online and off. I forgot to call my aunt and wish her a Happy birthday on Sunday-such a bad neice!! Here’s your dose of good reads for today!
1. The 10 Commandments of Condom Use : This needs to be in a textbook somewhere. So many people (adults and teens) aren’t properly schooled on proper condom ettiquette. Take heed!
2. Do you have home training? : Take this quiz and find out! Yes, its another top 10, what can I say? Today I was in the mood to count, had to flex my math skills!
3. So wrong, but yet so true. I loved this comic, don’t know when it first hit the internets, but I couldn’t help laughing.. I’m sure you will too!
**After being scolded my male readers… I have to warn..
Guys.. be careful when you look down… proceed w/ caution!
ok.. back to the show.. ***
First I found the Dildo ashtray and I thought that was weird. But to top that off, I have come across the penis shaped bong:
Now maybe in one lifetime I might try this, but I would NEVER think a man would use this (well at least not a straight man). But as you can see from the picture there is a man using this, and it does make me question his sexuality. Does that make me mean? Or just overly aware of social clues & stereotypes?
And I thought this was a great post for the infamous Stoner Holiday 4/20!
I learned something new today, which is always great! Someone said they were in the mood to watch some tribbing-and I had no idea what that was. So, being on this eternal quest for knowledge I proceeded to google “tribbing”. Yes, google is wonderful and I don’t know how I survive a day without it. I can’t think of a day that goes by when I don’t google something… anything.. an image… a name.. a person…
But I digress I found out what tribbing was, or tribadism for the more formal. This is the act of two women bumping kitties!!! (I am going to be PG for the sake that I just don’t talk overly dirty and to say it with the other words would just be too vulgar for me). But yes, tribbing is a lesbian sex act that involves two women who lay, i guess, like scissors and rub their snatches on one another. I was shocked. But then was like oh.. well damn, how did they decide to name it tribadism, sounds like a typo on tribalism. Sssoooo… after I found out what it was, i tried to search for videos since I just had to see this act in progress. But no such luck, but there was site dedicated to “tribbing” but I don’t remember if the videos loaded and I know that there were no good valid links on Xtube, but whatever…
****UPDATE****
I found a video that demonstrates what Tribbing is.. it doesn’t tickle my fancy, but someone will like it!
I don’t even know how to approach this subject with care. There is no coy introduction that can be used. So let’s just dive right into this stupidity: Two dumb asses decided it’d be cool to mix a saber saw and a sex toy for their pleasure. I don’t know what made them think this is cool. I support sexual experimentation, but a power tool in your nether region? These 2 geniuses decided to attach the sex toy OVER the blade. Then, I’m assuming, he went to work down there. I’m guessing they wanted to get into a rhythm in foreplay without giving him carpal tunnel. There is no way anyone could convince me to do this and risk being scarred from sex forever! This is an EPIC Fail.
I have a suggestion instead of this: The Sybian sex machine. This machine is a sex toy (dildo) attached to a mount that moves/vibrates. When I went to the sex expo in November they had them for sale, so they aren’t some secret sex toy. This machine is designed to assist in sexual please, unlike power tools!
For people with more money to burn (somehow I don’t think these people did) is the MonkeyRocker priced at $800. (I just searched this one on google and look how easy I found it.)
Wait, I wonder if that’s how they found this genius idea? Because out there on the internet you can see some crazy things, like urethra probing and men who like to screw rubber balls. The internets (as my grandfather calls it) is not always a safe place. Anyway, after homegirl tore her va jay jay to a pulp (which is the only outcome) after things went awry she was flown to a Prince George’s hospital. I’ve heard that she’s been released, but not without some serious psychological (sexual) trauma. Hope she gets better and learns her lesson.
I have been watching Desperate Housewives pretty regularly since the 2nd season. After becoming engrossed in the second season I got myself acquainted with Season 1 and the characters. Gaby being the ex supermodel turned bored suburban housewife. Susan is the clumsy lovable girl next door. Lynette the over worked mother of way too many kids and Bree, the Martha Stewart next door. I guess you can say Edie is a main character is she is the slut you love to hate. There is something to love in each characters. There are some themes that resonant each season on almost every show-someone is pregnant, someone dies, or some great disaster strikes. Recently I noticed another recurring theme on this show.
At the start of the show, Gaby was sleeping with her gardener who was a high school student. She was being a “cougar. A “cougar” is typically an older woman who sleeps with a significantly younger man. This led to drama in her personal life. Fast forward to this season, where the show has fast forwarded 5 years into the future, here we are with one of Lynette’s many kids banging his best friends mom. WTF is up with Marc Cherry and his infatuation with old women and young men? People say that TV emulates life or if life emulates TV, but in this case which is it. I guess in the case of this show, Desperate Housewives-emphasis on Desperate-it makes sense to have bored housewives who are willing to sleep with young men to bypass the boredom and the realization that their lives are less than desirable.
We see headlines all over the news when teachers are caught having sexual relationships with their students, but what about the numbers of women who aren’t caught. They are betraying their yoga class buddies by corrupting their children. Sometimes, even going as far to say that they love them. I don’t understand how these relationships start. I know sometimes that young boys, and even girls, think their friend has a hot parent. But what could possess someone to cross the line with someone so much older. And what about the parents, they usually have children that age yet they still do it. But if the same was happening to their child they’d be outraged and do eveyrthing in their power to protect them. Are the rules totally forgotten because of “love” or lust in most of these situations. Let all my friends read this, if I have children and I find out that you are sleeping with them, I will cut you. Cut you out of my life, slice you up with a knife, and probably cut your tires. Then I am going to tell your spouse. I will tell your children, and then I will post pictures up around the neighborhood so everyone knows that you are a person who messes with children. If I ever did that, I hope someone would bring me public shame also. This is not right.
I read about this on another blog, and decided to test it out. This is a site that will analyze the blog to determine if its written by a man or a woman. My results said that my site is written by a woman (53%), however it’s quite gender neutral. I don’t know what to think about that, is it bad that you can only tell its a woman by a barely over half margin. I guess its good that its not overly masculine. I guess it is pretty cool to be “gender neutral” but I’d love to radiate a sense of subtle femininity. OH well, we can’t win them all… but all you fellow bloggers who might check me out should test it out, see if it accurately measures your gender. And let me know about it, via comments! I love comments! Gender Analyzer
I remember I once read this short story where this guy would break into women’s houses and go down on them. And even though it was creepy women waited to be his next victim. Well, this guy in Valentine, Nebraska decided that he wanted to surprise people in a different way. The man used his backside to vandalize the town since 2007! This mans booty has touched more windows than windex! This 35 year old man was caught on Wednesday and arrested although he hasn’t been charged yet. He’s probably going to get off, literally and figuratively, with a small case of public indecency and vandalism.
His method was to get his booty all oiled up with lotion or petroleum jelly and put his imprints on the windows of businesses. His proudest moment was getting all the windows done on a local hotel. Can you imagine waking up in the morning and coming to work wondering what those heart shaped imprints are. Imagine touching it before you realized what it was. GROSS! Is this a slight variation of exhibitionism? Exhibitionism as described in the DSM-IV is the exposure of one’s genitals to a stranger, usually with no intention of further sexual activity with the other person. In some cases, the exhibitionist masturbates while exposing himself (or while fantasizing that he is exposing himself) to the other person. Some exhibitionists are aware of a conscious desire to shock or upset their target; while others fantasize that the target will become sexually aroused by their display. So, if we use these facts about exhibitionism would it be wise to say that he got off with the idea that he was upsetting the business owners by leaving them “tokens” of his love?
The County’s Attorney said that this isn’t normal behavior for Valentine, as if this is normal behavior for other places. I don’t care where I go, seeing booty imprints on the damn window is not normal. It’s even more abnormal for people to be copying the Butt Bandit! Before they caught the culprit the Valentine PD thought it might have been the work of some copy-cats, now after catching him, they decided it was solely him.
***Contains possible spoilers for Grey’s episode airing 11/20/08.***
Am I the only one not feeling Izzie Stevens having sex with her dead fiance? I have not been OK with the whole scenario with Denny walking and talking around the way, like he is alive. For those who do not watch Grey’s Anatomy, here is the backdrop:
Denny was a patient at Seattle Grace Hospital, where Izzie was an intern. All hoptie doo, they fell in love, she cut his LVAT wires to move him up on the heart transplant list, something goes awry, he dies. Izzie has a hard time dealing, eventually gets over him. Moved on is dating Alex now.
Denny makes his way back in a recent episode where Izzie has to deal with her actions because the patient she stole the heart from is now at SGH for some sort of cardio surgery I don’t remember. Denny begins to follow her around and reach out to her. And this week, she is battling with it and says to herself this isn’t right, he’s dead, I’m just reliving things we did. So, as a suggestion to prove he’s real Dead Denny decides they should boink. So they boink, the boink so loud they can be head in the hallway by all her roommates. Alex even knocks on the door to tell her to stop flying solo, and she is really all hot and sweaty. WTF. OK, here is the video from Izzie and Denny’s scenes last night..
I’m sorry, knowing someone is having imaginary hot steamy sex with a dead person is creepy. Does this make her a sort of necrophiliac? Even though she isn’t technically having sex with his body, but the idea of being with a dead person is slightly creepy. And Frankly, I like Izzie and Alex’s relationship-they talk shit to each other and have hot steamy sex, and their chemistry has been brewing since season 1. I didn’t like that shit they tried to with having her date George. That was just weird and awkward.
And while we are talking about Grey’s, I don’t like Meredith’s new friend. What is her deal, how long is she here for? I’m slightly glad her surgery wasn’t all peachy and rosy she needs a wakeup call.
Dope. Crazy. Perfectly Imperfect. I'm not the best writer and probably not the worst either, but I am happy while doing it. Stick with me and you'll never be bored! I mean, maybe you won't and maybe you will....
Did you know that you inherently speak three different languages? Yes, its true. Or at least I do. My head speaks English. And it understands cause and affect among other rational thoughts. My heart speaks spanish. It’s confusing. If you don’t use it, you kinda forget it. It has all these verbs that need conjugating. And my vagina speaks English. But not traditional English like my head. It’s more of how Audrey II , the plant from Little Shop of Horrors speaks English. Without really knowing consequences or about feelings. Got it? Ok Good…
I read about this on another blog, and decided to test it out. This is a site that will analyze the blog to determine if its written by a man or a woman. My results said that my site is written by a woman (53%), however it’s quite gender neutral. I don’t know what to think about that, is it bad that you can only tell its a woman by a barely over half margin. I guess its good that its not overly masculine. I guess it is pretty cool to be “gender neutral” but I’d love to radiate a sense of subtle femininity. OH well, we can’t win them all… but all you fellow bloggers who might check me out should test it out, see if it accurately measures your gender. And let me know about it, via comments! I love comments!
