February 8, 2010
EW!! BARF!!! GROSS!! What in the sam hell kinda fuckery is this??? Are people really THIS obsessed with bacon?? Like Seriously??
Bacon MMmvelopes???
The same people who bought you Baconnaise (EW!! BARF!! GROSS!!) have decided the world needs another use for bacon. Because this is what is wrong with the world, not enough uses for pork fat. From their site:
“Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, that’s what.
Really, people? If we can’t overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, it’s only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).
So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.
That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.”
Who the hell still uses envelopes anyway?? I mean, any bill I send in an envelope comes in an already addressed envelope from the company requesting it. And everythig except my rent can be paid online, and that will be available soon. And I’m sure the 95 yr old lady who still mails in her requests for her life bracelet isn’t really thinking of the flavor of her envelope. ANNNDDD who buys envelopes you have to lick when they have the self-adhesive ones??? #imjustsaying.
I found this in my dialy hungrygirl.com email – you can check it out HERE
Posted in Randomness | Tags: entertainment, food, random, wtf | 1 Comment »
November 18, 2009
I think as we sink deeper and deeper into the “recession” people just find more ways to get creative with their crimes and blame their stupidity on the “recession.”
Latest Act of WTF — HOlding someone up with you MACHETE for some Tacos.. Really though? You just were walking down the street with a Machete and no one noticed???
But right.. where the hell were you at that 16 tacos cost you $41? At Taco Bell 16 tacos is only cost you like $25 bucks. And like the crazed knife weilding criminal ran out of a building, stole your tacos, and drove away? Why wouldn’t he take the tacos back inside, because obviously he was hungry. The logic of some people will never be right to me. This is just bananas. Watch you back on your late night drive thru runs, I’m just saying!
Source
Posted in Cleo's Rants, news | Tags: entertainment, news, random, wtf | No Comments »
October 19, 2009
Newest Scam for college kids: being target for “illegal downloads. ” An apparently bogus collections agency that sent out letters to Bucknell students demanding $500 to settle the students’ alleged illegal downloads. Seriously! That’s crazy. Imagine that 10 people actually paid that $500. That’s an easy 5k for some scammer. TAX FREE!!! And who is really going to contest that email they get about illegally downloading something?
Scam!! It’s a scary word and a scary practice. Scammers are ruthless, they don’t care how they get you, as long as they get you. And as time goes on, those scams just get more elaborate.
Other scams for college Student’s are pretty common: Fake scholarship promises, crazy student loans, diploma mills, and other websites that sell you cheating supplies (which is just stupid!) Why would you spend THOUSANDS of dollars on education, just to spend more money faking it through? This is why the value of a college education is dropping, and most jobs require Masters Degrees now. Value your education people.
For more reads on the 6 scams that target most college students check it out!
Posted in news | Tags: blasphemy, news, technology, wtf | 2 Comments »
August 14, 2009
Sigh …
I hate when bad things happen to shoes. I want to take names and kick ass… This is a:
Fashion FAIL!
Who did this to this poor shoe?? And bless the poor soul that actually bought them.
Found these via Fredericks of Hollywood as well .they are called the “lambskin cuffed sandal.” So many things wrong here .. the buttons? are those really buttons or are they accents that look like buttons? Too much toe. That whole half boot trend is a fine line to be teetered, and you my dear designer have failed. Super fail … Where is JessDubb so she can put her big red FAIL all over it! LOL
All I can say is just bad… bad… bad…
Posted in shoes | Tags: shoe, shoes, wtf | No Comments »
June 11, 2009
HOLY COW!!!
I woke up to this news story:
An Italian woman who arrived to the airport late for the fatal Air France flight 447 has died in a car accident, according to ANSA news agency.
Johanna Ganthaler, a pensioner from the Bolzano-Bozen Province (South Tyrol, Italy) and her husband, Kirk, were on vacation in Brazil and missed flight 447 after arriving to the airport late. They were able to board a later flight and avoided being victims of the horrible crash.
The couple rented a car in Munich, Germany and decided to drive home to Italy. On their way home, while driving through Kufstein, Austria, their car ended up in the opposite lane and they had a head on collision with a truck.
The woman died at the hospital that she was taken to. Her husband is still in critical condition.
That is such a sad story. You escape death in one tragic accident only to die in another a few days later.
That is crazy! We all say that you can’t escape death, but I never thought it was this serious. And no, I can’t believe this is happenstance. This is freaky! I haven’t reported on the sad crash, because I don’t like being sad, and also its been all over the internet and news that I didn’t really feel I could add much to the dialogue, but this is different. This is one of those cray rarities that we don’t hear of often. What do you think? Bizarre right?
Source
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June 8, 2009
UGH. Why must people ruin a good thing? I love a pair of leggings on a relaxing day. Rock them with a tunic and some flip flops and its all good. Or on a day when its raining so you can just throw on the rain boots and keep it moving. LOVE THEM!And even sometimes on my super skinny girlfriends they have rocked them out @ the club or some other even and looked adorable. But let’s be honest, leggings + club = FAIL! You just don’t do it, or if you do it do it right…
Exhibit A: HATED IT!!!
Homegirl has on like 3 different tones & materials. What’s with the random brown band in the midriff area? Sequins & Satin? Seriously? I do know those are Steve Madden shoes spotted @ a Macy’s near you!
Exhibit B: HATED IT!
Trick, don’t you know you look like the Hamburglar??
While trying to find an outfit that flatters your ass, you could have at least avoided looking like a prison runaway. Sheesh!!! And then you have a clutch splattered w/ the Gucci logo??? They should sue you!!! My granny would smack me if I tried to wear that out the house…
Posted in Cleo's Rants | Tags: blasphemy, entertainment, rants, wtf | No Comments »
May 14, 2009
Everyone is always trying to be a star or some sort of “celebrity” to gain fame. What is America’s obsession with instant fame? And why do us non-famous people feed into the madness? I have been ruminating on the idea of everyone wanting to be a celebrity for about a week now and then it re-emerged today while listening to the radio, so when that happens I have to share my thoughts, I mean it would be WRONG not to, right??
If you don’t believe that everyone wants to be a pseudo-celebrity all you have to do is look on Myspace and see everyone with hundreds of pics (half of them in their bathroom mirror) with captions like “please stop hating” or “you know you want it” and further proof can be found in the countless girls consistently going to clubs just to pose for pics on allniteparties.com or 7days7nights.com or whatever Club Photographer is there that night. This is just getting out of hand. I blame people like Paris Hilton & Kim Kardashian who are famous for being rich and don’t do anything but pose for pics. These girls (I’m sorry I can’t call all of them women) are trying to emulate that! And then I blame people like Tila Tequila who’s claim to fame is having the most Myspace friends and then getting a reality show. Then you havepeople like New York from Flavor of Love. IF people stop watching and supporting this crap it would go away. So now everyone is trying to claim reality show fame or internet glory. Newsflash: you’re not a celebrity. Celebs don’t take their own pictures, others do! You’re just being an attention whore!
Next up, groupie book writers. I thought this was to be a craft stuck to by video slores who screw for screen time and scorned baby mothers, but apparently everyone thinks they deserve a tell-all. Why do we care what position she screwed Little Wayne in? Why do you care if he licked her back with a tongue ring?? Seriously? And they aren’t really writing it. They are describing these situations with as much detail as they can muster up and someone else is penning it. I wish this blasphemy would stop. The last straw for me was this morning, I was listening to the radio and apparently some guy got beat up on the stage with Snoop Dogg and his crew…So now he wrote a book. WTF? So you want to write a tell all about getting your ass kicked? Seriously? Rick Ross’s baby mother has a book. Who cares??? So what you screwed the fat man and got knocked up?? I’m sorry. I will not spend my time or my hard earned money on this crap! This is a disgrace to REAL literature everyone. And this is why no one wants to read non-fiction anymore, its convoluted with all this mockery of real stories. Bitches wanna get rich for being a slut. Newsflash: now your a prostitute!!! Sex in exhange for money. Tsk Tsk
Sorry, I went off on a tangent.
Please help to stop the madness! I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want to “make-it” as a writer, blogger or whatever I decide to be a killer rock-star in. But I’m going to work damn hard at it, and I’m going to value my privacy. I like being the person invited to things and having people wonder, “Hey, who’s she. Why is she here, what does she do?” Mystery is great!
Posted in Cleo's Rants, entertainment | Tags: blasphemy, celebrity, entertainment, rants, wtf | 2 Comments »
May 5, 2009
What in the Sam Hell kind of Tom Foolery is this? This picture is creepy! I had to share this because I’m kind of just sick of talking about the swine flu (or Chittlin’ Flu as Kitty called it)! LOL. I’m so over it..
**now watch me end up getting sick**
Posted in news | Tags: blasphemy, news, wtf | No Comments »
April 30, 2009
(image courtesy of Huffington Post)
First there was anthrax.. then it was Bird Flu.. let’s not forget SARS and now we have Swine Flu. There is always some new viral outbreak to worry Americans and everyone else who’s willing to worry. Maybe I just think I’m so tough that I don’t really pay attention to this crap. Maybe its because I’m one of those young people who thinks they are invincible. Or because I just don’t believe the hype..
Either way, everyone is all up in turmoil about this damn Swine Flu. Now I admit, when I first heard the words I was like “welp, its good I don’t eat pork I guess!!” LOL. I know right, how wrong and ignorant. So to prevent other people from being ignorant, I want everyone to know this has NOTHING to do with actually eating pork. I read that places were removing pork from the shelves, one place even removed Turkey Bacon which isn’t even pork! I guess the word bacon began to carry a negative connotation.
I can tell you how to avoid spreading germs and it doesn’t include those ugly surgeons masks that Heidi & Spencer have been wearing around the internet. WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS!! You don’t believe how many people don’t wash their hands or even use some hand sanitizer. Sheesh. Some peoples bodies are a breeding ground for germs. Also, if you are sick–Stay your ass home! No one wants to hear you coughing and sneezing at work all day anyway! Use a damn sick day. If you’ve used them all, you might have to take the loss because its not worth it for you to come in and infect the rest of the office (or school!). If you don’t have a job that gives you sick days, you need to step your game up!
But for those of you with real concerns over this other, more professional people, over at CNN have answered your Swine Flu questions, here were my top 3 Q & A’s:
Could this new swine flu virus have been manufactured by bio terrorists? (are you serious??? terrorism??? did CNN make this question up??)
That’s the theory on some conspiracy theorists’ Web sites. But experts don’t believe it.
“If you were a bio terrorist you’d want to create something that’s a lot more deadly than this,” said Dr. Gerald Evans, an associate professor of microbiology at Queen’s University in Canada. “The problem with influenza is that the second you put it into people, it replicates and mutates very quickly. Even if you created the perfect bioweapon, within a few generations of transmissions, it wouldn’t do what you planned for it to do.”
Why are large numbers of people dying in Mexico, but not in other countries? (because Mexican health care sucks?? Why do you think everyone is trying to come to America??)
This is the big mystery doctors are trying to solve right now. Many infectious disease experts say it’s most likely a matter of numbers: with more illnesses in Mexico, there are also more deaths. Other explanations: that in Mexico people have, in addition to swine flu, other viruses that make for a more deadly combination than swine flu alone. It’s also possible that the virus infecting the rest of the world is a weaker version than the one in Mexico. Among the swine flu mysteries: Why only deaths in Mexico?
Should I be freaking out? (Um, why do you have to ask someone else about your reactions???)
A new virus spreading quickly around the world. Young, healthy people struck dead in Mexico. Should we all be panicking?
“Absolutely not,” said Dr. William Schaffner, chairman of the department of preventive medicine at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine. Swine flu, he said, “is not spreading all that rapidly. Take the St. Francis School in New York. There’s been very little transmission from the schoolchildren to family members, and it certainly hasn’t spread throughout Queens.”
But, Schaffner added, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pay attention to swine flu. “We should be alert, keep up with the information coming out daily, and take control by being attentive to your hygiene. Wash your hands very, very frequently and avoid people who are coughing and sneezing.” (DDDUUUHHH, did you really need someone to tell you that??)
For more of the questions & other swine flu related articles check it out here
I also went to Twitter to see what people are saying, because, well people say the darndest things.. And here are some doozies..
@greedesgirl: Fuck you swine flu! (hahaha, my sentiments!!)
@Pauly666: Swine Flu? It’s a load of Hogwash! (trruueee!!)
@fifeslife: All of this over blown Swine Flu coverage is ridiculous. South Park needs a swine flu episode. (either them or Family Guy!)
@ApexMI: RT @elranchero: So far 1 person in the US has died of Swine Flu, but 36,000 people died of regular flu. (via @captainmicahp) (damn.. very good point.. people don’t care about the norm though!)
@princessarizona: They should have ordered the borders closed once they heard about the Swine flu outbreak. And they do not want people to panic… (that would have been too much like a quarantine & hurt their travel revenue, but its what really concerned people would have done. But we need infected people so the pharmaceutical industry can make more $$)
@rainbowtyedye I read about entire countries slaughtering pigs because of swine flu. What is this going to do to the price of my beloved bacon? (perhaps the best question raised! LOL … I’m sure other bacon lovers are thinking the same thing!)
This lady at my job just told me to make sure I get mask for my upcoming flight (2 weeks away). It never even crossed my mind to do so. See what these damn scares do to people. Now I really have to ponder if I should do that. FML!!
Posted in news | Tags: curiousity, news, television, wtf | No Comments »
April 20, 2009
**After being scolded my male readers… I have to warn..
Guys.. be careful when you look down… proceed w/ caution!
ok.. back to the show.. ***
First I found the Dildo ashtray and I thought that was weird. But to top that off, I have come across the penis shaped bong:
Now maybe in one lifetime I might try this, but I would NEVER think a man would use this (well at least not a straight man). But as you can see from the picture there is a man using this, and it does make me question his sexuality. Does that make me mean? Or just overly aware of social clues & stereotypes?
And I thought this was a great post for the infamous Stoner Holiday 4/20!
Thanks Dlisted (once again!)
Posted in Randomness | Tags: comedy, random, sex, wtf | 2 Comments »
March 30, 2009
I learned something new today, which is always great! Someone said they were in the mood to watch some tribbing-and I had no idea what that was. So, being on this eternal quest for knowledge I proceeded to google “tribbing”. Yes, google is wonderful and I don’t know how I survive a day without it. I can’t think of a day that goes by when I don’t google something… anything.. an image… a name.. a person…
But I digress I found out what tribbing was, or tribadism for the more formal. This is the act of two women bumping kitties!!! (I am going to be PG for the sake that I just don’t talk overly dirty and to say it with the other words would just be too vulgar for me). But yes, tribbing is a lesbian sex act that involves two women who lay, i guess, like scissors and rub their snatches on one another. I was shocked. But then was like oh.. well damn, how did they decide to name it tribadism, sounds like a typo on tribalism. Sssoooo… after I found out what it was, i tried to search for videos since I just had to see this act in progress. But no such luck, but there was site dedicated to “tribbing” but I don’t remember if the videos loaded and I know that there were no good valid links on Xtube, but whatever…
****UPDATE****
I found a video that demonstrates what Tribbing is.. it doesn’t tickle my fancy, but someone will like it!
Click Here
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: curiousity, random, review, sex, wtf | No Comments »
March 12, 2009
I don’t even know how to approach this subject with care. There is no coy introduction that can be used. So let’s just dive right into this stupidity: Two dumb asses decided it’d be cool to mix a saber saw and a sex toy for their pleasure. I don’t know what made them think this is cool. I support sexual experimentation, but a power tool in your nether region? These 2 geniuses decided to attach the sex toy OVER the blade. Then, I’m assuming, he went to work down there. I’m guessing they wanted to get into a rhythm in foreplay without giving him carpal tunnel. There is no way anyone could convince me to do this and risk being scarred from sex forever! This is an EPIC Fail.
I have a suggestion instead of this: The Sybian sex machine. This machine is a sex toy (dildo) attached to a mount that moves/vibrates. When I went to the sex expo in November they had them for sale, so they aren’t some secret sex toy. This machine is designed to assist in sexual please, unlike power tools!
For people with more money to burn (somehow I don’t think these people did) is the MonkeyRocker priced at $800. (I just searched this one on google and look how easy I found it.)
Wait, I wonder if that’s how they found this genius idea? Because out there on the internet you can see some crazy things, like urethra probing and men who like to screw rubber balls. The internets (as my grandfather calls it) is not always a safe place. Anyway, after homegirl tore her va jay jay to a pulp (which is the only outcome) after things went awry she was flown to a Prince George’s hospital. I’ve heard that she’s been released, but not without some serious psychological (sexual) trauma. Hope she gets better and learns her lesson.
Source
Posted in Cleo Talks Sex | Tags: news, sex, wtf | 2 Comments »
March 5, 2009
Imagine if you went to your friends house, or a dates house, for dinner and they took you into a bleach cleaned bathroom and served you dinner on a porcelain toilet. How would you feel? Kinda grossed out right? Apparently some Chinese people don’t feel the same way because there is a popular restaurant, Modern Toilet, making waves in China. Here is where you can go to enjoy dinner on a “stylish acrylic toilet” and drink out of a urinal (don’t deny it, you know you always wanted to do that!). Menu delicacies include: diarrhea with dried droppings, bloody poop, and green dysentery-and these are just deserts!
I’m sorry, but there is no way you are going to get me in a restaurant that does this. Not only do you want me to eat out of a toilet, you want to serve me shit themed names. No matter how you slice and dice, shit is SHIT! I don’t want my food to look like shit. Now, I know its not supposed to be about the look of food, but the flavors; but like this person said in the article, when you see curry dripping down the side of a toilet it doesn’t exactly make you want to lick it up, does it? Apparently the Chinese can take this because they are more “nonchalant” about bodily functions. Damn that. I’m nonchalant about it too, I know we all shit, eat, burp or whatever but I still don’t think it makes for great conversation or artwork over dinner. There are just some things you don’t do with food, like breast milk in ice cream. I mean what’s next? Menstruation Macaroni?
Modern toilet was opened in 2004 by Wang Zi-wei in China. He has 7 of these train wrecks in Taiwan, one in HOng Kong, and opens in Shenzhen China this week. He plans to expand this to other areas in China. Please, keep that shit (pun intended) over there. THis is the ideal restaurant for workers to pull gross “guess the secret sauce” pranks… SMDH!!
Source
Thanks WK for this!!
Posted in Randomness | Tags: food, news, random, wtf | No Comments »
February 12, 2009
(OK, maybe not EVER but this is bad)
Baconnaise.
Yes.. This is a bacon spread, from the folks who bought you bacon salt-which I didn’t know existed either. Either way, apparently bitches love bacon… Fat bitches that is!!! NO, just kidding. I know people (skinny people) who love bacon. Like my friend, Friend A. Sometimes we go to Au Bon Pain and order salads. I always get the turkey medallion salad which happens to come with bacon. I kindly ask them to hold the bacon, since I don’t eat the hog. She’s like “No, give me your bacon. You can never have enough bacon.” I disagree, because sometimes if you over load on bacon, turkey bacon for me, you can get a little nauseous. So anyway, I discovered Baconnaise from my daily email from Hungrygirl.com. I love some of her tips & tricks. She was introducing Baconnaise Light ( I love how people trying to lose weight want the bad stuff in light).
Anyway, back to this Baconnaise crap. After seeing it there, I promptly used a search engine (nope, I will not say I Googled it!!) and came across the official baconsalt/baconnaise site. Apparently, after the growing popularity of bacon salt, someone suggested they attempt a bacon flavored spread, so they set out on an experimental journey to find it. Thier words from their official website:
“So we set out on another bacon-flavored adventure. Could we make a mayonnaise product that met our own high bacony standards? Could we get people as excited as they were for Bacon Salt (for which shrines have been built and songs have been written)? It was at that point that we began a very unhealthy morning routine: eat a slice of bacon, try a version of Baconnaise, eat a slice of bacon. Compare. Improve. Repeat. Over the 6 months it took us to make Baconnaise, we estimate that we probably ate 20 pounds of bacon, consumed 5 large jars of mayonnaise and took 2 years off of our lives – looking for that exact and delicious flavor that we would be proud to call Baconnaise.”
I find this stuff to sound gross. I would NEVER EVER try it. I find the fact that they boast about it being vegetarian to be a mockery of what good bacon is too, and I don’t even eat pork. I’m just putting this out there for everyone to be disgusted with too. But I know somewhere out there someone’s mouth is salvating and they are trying to find the store nearest them to buy it.
I think I threw up a little in my mouth actually…
Posted in food | Tags: blasphemy, food, wtf | 1 Comment »
January 8, 2009
So.. ladies (and maybe a few gents, you never know) now there is a new use for that ‘thing’ you got last week at the “Pleasure Party.” I found this at one of my favorite blogs, Dlisted.com (written by Micheal K, who I don’t know but I feel like I do because he’s hilarious) and I had to share this with you guys! A vibrator ashtray! Who would do this? Who woke up and said you know what, I think this penis and clit stimulator would make a great ash tray? Do they use it for both purposes? Or is it a situation where they got a new one, and they were like hey, why waste money? I’m confused.. And what room of the house is this? Is this a centerpiece, does it spark conversation? But most importantly, EW! smoking kills! (and this could lead to an infection.. smoke remnants all in the va-jay-jay).
Second… According to Page Six (via Dlisted for me) some man wants to paint a 6 foot nude Rachel Ray, using oils and PAPRIKA! Pap-muthaf’in-Rika! I think I have heard about all the different artistic methods now. I guess its a good thing you can get Paprika for like 99 cents. But I wonder will he vary it up with some Smoked Paprika, to give her that smoky glow in certain areas. The artist name is Alex Gardega, and he must be crazy obsessed. I mean don’t get me wrong, 30 minute meals is my ish. I avidly watch,between 6pm-7 almost daily! But I could never see this, it would ruin my view of her as this wholesome cheesy food network girl… I just can’t imagine this…
Page Six
Posted in Randomness | Tags: humor, random, wtf | 4 Comments »
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