Ok, so I’ve decided to start a Things that make you go hmm category for things like this. It’s neither a rant or a rave and not quite a GTFOH, lol. More stories will be moved to this category eventually or I may just do a from this date forward kinda thing. Either way, on with the story.
A Michigan man decided that he wanted a blow job from a vacuum the other day at the car wash. I guess regular human suction just wasn’t quite enough, he had to go for that industrial strength. How do you receive sexual favors from a vacuum? That’s how the police reported it. What do you charge him with? Public indecency? Sexual deviancy? How do you say you’re going to jail for fucking a vacuum?
This is amusing to me because me and my BFF were just talking this weekend about how men are fascinated with their penis touching anything. There were videos on some site, either Xtube or YouPorn with men humping balls.. Like big rubber balls you do crunches on. Blasphemy. Like what man wakes up one day and is like “Hmm.. I wonder how it would feel for my penis to rub against that doorknob?” So he tries it, and loves it. Now you have this man filming himself screwing door knobs or chairs or rubber balls, or the computer. What is the name of this? Its not frotteurism… How come vacuum man didn’t just use his Hoover hose at home? I think if you’re going to be sexually deviant in that way, you should stay at home. But in the grand scheme of things, what harm is he really causing? I’d much rather have a vacuum fucker living next door than a pedophile or something horrible like that.