WTF?? Bacon Mmmvelopes??

EW!! BARF!!! GROSS!! What in the sam hell kinda fuckery is this??? Are people really THIS obsessed with bacon?? Like Seriously??

Bacon MMmvelopes???

The same people who bought you Baconnaise (EW!! BARF!! GROSS!!) have decided the world needs another use for bacon. Because this is what is wrong with the world, not enough uses for pork fat. From their site:

“Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, that’s what.

Really, people? If we can’t overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, it’s only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.”

Who the hell still uses envelopes anyway?? I mean, any bill I send in an envelope comes in an already addressed envelope from the company requesting it. And everythig except my rent can be paid online, and that will be available soon. And I’m sure the 95 yr old lady who still mails in her requests for her life bracelet isn’t really thinking of the flavor of her envelope. ANNNDDD who buys envelopes you have to lick when they have the self-adhesive ones??? #imjustsaying.

I found this in my dialy email – you can check it out HERE

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