5. Be more family oriented – I’ve been trying for the past year. I’m an only child, who’s not close to her mom, so sometimes I really just don’t care about family events and all those good things. But this year I’ve spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, went out with a cousin for her birthday, and got myself a (future) god-child. They say family is all you’ve got, so let’s see . .
So, lately I’ve been conducting a social experiment on my family. And as I began to write my findings I remember what I wrote back in late 2009 with my (NON) New years Resolutions and I figured now as the year is winding down I can reflect back on this. I feel like lately being an only child is more apparent than ever, even though I have a large family (my aunt had 11 (yes 11) children.) Growing up this was awesome and I never had time to feel like an only child, but now as an adult I feel it.
The Experiment: I began to feel like my relationship with my family was a one way street. Me being the person reaching out and doing all the efforts to make this bonding and family time happen. I decided I was going to abstain from writing on Facebook walls, @’ing them on twitter ( i almost said i was going to de-friend them) and see how long before it gets noticed. Nor was I going to attend any showers, birthday parties that I was invited to because, well that’s the only time I hear from them, or if something else is needed.
Results: No contact until someone invited me to a kids birthday party. They invited me Tuesday for a party this Saturday -_-. I respectfully declined.
Now some will argue that that’s no way to treat family and you have to be there for them even if you don’t talk often. And yes, that is true. But at what point do you give that a rest. There have been countless (as in too many to count) instances where family will screw you over quicker than a friend, or an enemy. Not all family is FAMILY. When I’m having a bad day at work, I don’t call my “family.” Family is frankly, slightly overrated at times, at least in my situation.
How often do I reach out to them you ask? Well, I’ve been to like every kids party (that I was invited to) and baby shower in the past 2-3 years. And that’s a lot. My family has about 10 kids between the ages of 1-10 at this current moment.
** Note, I’m not talking about my extended family here, you know great aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws. This is a mere experiment with my immediate family which for me includes aunts, 1st cousins, etc.,) **
3 thoughts on “Keep your family & business completely separated”
In the GLBT community it is particularly common to have a family of origin and a family of choice. Obviously because sometimes their family of origin has an issue with their lifestyle that they create a family of choice. It seems that this is not just a GLBT thing though, sounds like this is what you have too. I think family-by any definition-is a beautiful thing.
I think its easier for me to stay in touch with my immediate family often because they are far away. Those people I consider family that actually live 20 mins away… while I adore them, we dont hang out often (maybe every 2 weeks if we’re lucky).
It’s easy for people to fail “tests” when they don’t know they are “taking” them. Think about it. The ‘let me see how long it takes my boyfriend to realize I colored my hair’ thing NEVER works lol.
With your family, is there any way you can develop a closer relationship with them, like actually hanging out with them, having a drink, going to church, something that doesn’t involve the internet or parties where you have to dish out $$ for gifts? That would be a cool first step. Go for it. 🙂
That’s true … people can’t pass tests they don’t know they are taking … I agree , however in this situation with my family I just began to feel unappreciated. I did try to do things, I told my cousins to invite me out when they went out, they never did. I tried to set things up to hang with them, but it would always resort to me having to come to them. I get very minimal effort from them … Is it wrong to only want to put forth the same effort as them?
My “family” of choice, my friends… its not about how much I see them, but the quality of the time spent together. The mutual effort I think pleases me. The understanding and not judging me. It’s a weird, tough situation.