im slipping, im falling, i cant get up..

Its weird that typing a blog entry while sitting on my laptop doesn’t feel natural anymore?

I think I lost my sense of self somewhere back between spring and summer. I think it got lost in the self scrutiny and criticalness I’ve been having of myself. Some days I go through the motions, but I’m just not me. I put the smile on and I carry on my day, but its not there. I’ve also become someone who starts things and doesn’t finish them. That’s soo NOT me! Even this blog entry was started and stopped several times.

I feel more cynical. More jaded. Less joyous about the world. This isn’t me. Hasn’t been me. Why now? What’s caused me to lose sight of positivity?

I’ve been spending a lot of time alone. Even in the presence of friends and family I’m alone in my thoughts. Planning and wondering how to get to the next point, but I don’t even know what that next point is. And before I can focus on the next point shouldn’t I be enjoying where I currently am?

Let’s see:

I’m blessed beyond belief. I cannot deny this. I can’t say I have an awful life by any means. I’m grateful to be where I am in life. I feel this in all my heart but my mind doesn’t believe it.

I’m hoping writing this all down makes it more real and forces me to address it.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry. Excuse my typos and other errors “/

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