The holidays are upon us again. I think I’ve made it no secret that the holidays are a tough time of year for me. Why?
This concept of FAMILY. What does it mean? Most would lead you to believe family is blood. Family are the genial relatives who make you feel worse about yourself sometimes before you feel better. But think of SATC. Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte were a family, no? Were they not there for each other through good, bad, up, down, left, right and upside down? The Holidays always force me to face the reality of what I define as my family and make me choose between spending time with my “family” and my FAMILY.
The other day I worked myself into a tizzy thinking about my Thanksgiving plans. I started thinking about myself and my grandmother and how my aunt or any of my cousins hadn’t reached out to me to see if I had Thanksgiving plans. For those new hear, I am an only child. I grew up pretty close to my cousins and my aunt. But I lived with my grandmother. I’m from small 1.2 sq mile town where nothing is far from anything. Ever since I “got grown” and started my life away from that small town, I feel like an outsider around these people I grew up with.
Anywho.. Yeah.. I got mad! Why didn’t I reach out to her? Well I had no contacts! And I also think its kind of rude to call someone and say, “hey, what are you cooking so I can come over? And oh, what should I bring?”But it wasn’t just the fact that it was her. It was NO ONE hit me up. Even my grandmother got a little out the holiday spirit when I told her I wasn’t going to Virginia to spend with her and her siblings. Instead I’ll be spending the holiday with some of my long time friends and feeling more at home with them than with my own family. However, the super domesticated part of me would rather be in the kitchen cooking with loved ones vs. just showing up. Next year I’m hosting dinner at my house. I’ve decided. With people who I hold true and dear to me. NO more being a passenger on this holiday ride, time to shape my own destiny and create my own traditions, right?
I feel like I’m rambling.