Gemini Angst

I read a lot about Geminis. I’m born on the cusp on Gemini/ Taurus but I’ve always identified as a Gemini.. I’ve learned that your perception of yourself is largely shaped by how you identify yourself. Anybodiessign, so much of the literature on Geminis focuses on their need for mental stimulation, and I definitely have that trait. If there is one muscle in my body that gets used, its my brain. I love to read, observe, and do all types of things that give me new knowledge. It’s probably why when I do learn something new I can obsess over it. It’s why I need not only an emotional partner in life but an intellectual one.

Before Thanksgiving I met up with THEE ex, and I could have sat there talking for hours. I mean we talked about everything: Music (can you name 3 T.I albums?), family, the falsehood of the American home ownership dream, everything. We didn’t always see eye to eye but the sport of debate and conversation was thrilling. It felt good to exercise my mental prowess. I’m still thinking of points to things we talked about. Its tough missing that. In this dating world that I’m in, its hard to find someone who may not be turned off my all my “intellectual” talk. I was once discouraged from putting it upfront that I work, go to school, and volunteer because it can be intimidating. HUH?!? But I’m proud of these things, and this is my day to day life, how can I avoid talking about it. Its tough. So I loved that I had that stimulating experience to remind me that I can’t live without it.

What’s one of the biggest ways to constantly challenge your mind? Change. If there is one thing in life that is constant, its change. That’s the saying right? I thirst for change. Not the radical dye my hair pink kind of change (well maybe in some ways but that’s another story..) But the kind of change that causes you to grow and challenges your psyche.

My desire for change and my quality for fixating on ideas have brought back to the forefront of my mind the challenge of moving to California. This is something I WANT. I can’t explain enough how I’d be disappointed if my whole life centered around a narrow experience. I look up jobs, condos, apartments and all those things periodically to see what opportunities exist in CA that I see myself in. Despite the dismal fiscal outlook for CA right now I still think I”l find a job in my field. I can’t explain the pull of Cali on me.. Something about it draws me, appeals to me. They say go with your gut – and I want to. However, I have to remind myself now isn’t the time, but I’m working on a plan. I want to finish my degree here at NYU and have my tuition reimbursed from my job (which takes 2 years after degree competition). It seems so far away but can it be done by 2015 (also known as the year I turn 30-WOW)? I wonder if its worth waiting for my job to reimburse my tuition 100%. I mean is the cost of higher loan payments worth putting dreams on hold? On the other hand (another gemini trait-indecisiveness) isn’t it the adult thing to wait until things are RIGHT? What is RIGHT? What does that mean? And why do I feel the need to finish at NYU? Its not about the credentialing, however I do feel that its important given my background and desire for growth.. I want to move and not be in a pay check to paycheck situation. Now is the time to begin saving, planning & minimizing. I’m working on shedding my attachment to THINGS! things will hold you back, trust me. By things I mean – cars, bags, shoes- alleged american status symbols, feel me?

Ok, let me bring this back. In spite of everything I have currently going on, my desire for change and learning causes me to become bored, how is that possible? Is it due to the over activity of my gemini mind or just a real feel of outgrowing where I’m at now?

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